Why Our Behavior Matters

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." - Luke 6:31

My husband and I made a new friend recently. His name is Tom. We met him at a New Year's Eve event and by every account, he was the life of the party. He was all smiles and laughter, and was not too proud to don the colorful beads and top hat that were provided to celebrants. We never would have guessed that he was a stage 4 lung cancer patient if his wife Darrelynn hadn't told us about his condition.

Tom had a bad reaction to a chemotherapy drug recently, which landed him in the hospital for several days and in a rehabilitation center for a couple of weeks afterwards. When I went to visit him, I could hardly believe that he had been at death's door just a few days beforehand. He was so cheery, he made me smile. He hugged on everyone who came into his room and gave a word of encouragement and appreciation to all of the nurses and aides. He gave all the credit for his joy to the Lord.

When Tom left the care center, Darrelynn posted a picture on Facebook of her and Tom with some of the people there. Below the group of smiling people, she described how they had become friends with many of the "wonderful staff" there.

If you didn't know Tom and Darrelynn, you might think he had been at a five-star nursing facility, they way they described their experience. I knew better. When I had googled the place before going to visit, I noted it's low rating and some people's complaints about the unfriendly staff. The truth is that it wasn't just the staff that made Tom's experience there so wonderful. It was Tom (and Darrelynn, whose spirit shines just as brightly).

If you grew up with siblings, or if you have more than one child, you know something about deflection, otherwise known as the blame game. Two kids get in a fight, and when each one shares their story, it inevitably is always the other one's fault. "She started it!" or "I wouldn't have, except for him..." is usually how the story starts. No one ever wants to admit their part in it.

There is an old saying "There are two sides to every story, and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle." I imagine that truism has been around for thousands of years, because Jesus neatly addressed the issue when he preached about loving others.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you," Jesus said. He followed up by saying that this is not just how we should treat our friends, but also our enemies. Yes, we are called to treat others - everyone - as we would want to be treated.

I could easily address this in the political realm, where lately civility has completely gone up in smoke. I will not, however, because this is not a blog to discuss political issues. Spring Sight is designed to bring encouragement and hope to those struggling with chronic illness. So how do we relate this to our situation?

I used Tom as an example for a reason. Tom was diagnosed with cancer over two years ago. At the time, he was given just a few weeks to live. Boy, has he surprised those doctors! But he hasn't been without suffering. He has had to live with his cancer, and the side effects of his treatments, every day.

While Tom could easily complain, he has chosen to keep his eyes on Jesus and to be grateful instead. Rather than lashing out in anger and pain, he has reached out to everyone in love. And you know what? As a result of the way he has treated others with love and kindness, that love and kindness gets poured right back into Tom.

The principle is this: It is hard to hate the one who loves you.

Have you ever been rushing through the grocery store, in a bad mood, and then someone smiles and opens the door for you or tells you to have a nice day? I don't know about you, but that one small gesture can cheer me right up.

Just as we who are ill rely on caregivers to be kind and sweet to us. so we must remember that it is easier to care for someone who shows gratitude and kindness as well. What comes around goes around, as they say. Perhaps that nurse isn't mean, but rather having problems at home. Will you pass judgment on her, or just focus on how kind you can be? Maybe that doctor who kept you waiting for an hour is overwhelmed with patients whose problems are bigger than he can fix in an instant. Your patience may be just the gift he needs right now.

Day in and day out, we have our ups and downs. Sometimes we feel fine and sometimes we are doing well to just put one foot in front of the other. It can be downright difficult to muster a smile at times. And yet, we have to keep going, as do our spouses and other caregivers we interact with.

If we truly want our days - and our relationships - to be better, then we need to remember what Jesus said. Be kind first. Treat others as you would want them to treat you. There's a good chance it will circle right back to you.

Peace, joy and love to you today -

Linda

Why Our Behavior Matters originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins. Click here for more posts. Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook. 

Many of Spring Sight's posts can also be found each week on Crystal Storms' Thoughtful Thursday,  Kelly Balarie's #RaRaLinkUp, Holly Barrett's Testimony Tuesday, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart, and Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday. I also link up often with Jennifer Dukes Lee and Dawn at Journeys in Grace, as well as with Lori Schumaker.

Losing the Labels, While Embracing Our Identity

"Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God." - Romans 15:7 (NIV)

I looked over to the right of where I was sitting on the equestrian center's metal bleachers, as we waited for our trail ride to begin. My daughter's Bible study leader was talking to several other women, but I couldn't hear them. Instead, they were communicating with their hands. 

I felt a little left out and jealous that I couldn't be a part of the conversation, because I didn't know sign language, but at the same time I admired them. The very fact they were here at the women's retreat told me that their deafness wasn't going to hold them back from experiencing all that God had for them, and it wasn't going to stop them from having relationships with hearing people, either. 

I asked them, through the interpreter, if I could have a picture with them. I said I wanted to send it to my daughter, whose favorite show is Switched at Birth, a television series about a deaf community. They smiled and obliged, but it got me thinking.

These women had come to the conference with an interpreter, like anyone who spoke another language would, and yet we kept referring to them as members of our church's deaf community. Don't get me wrong, the references were good and kind and filled with gratitude for having these special ladies at the retreat. But I wondered for a moment, "What if they don't like being labeled as the deaf community?"

Quit Yer Bellyachin'

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." - Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

Happy New Year! Or is it?

If the Christmas season is "the happiest time of the year" then is it any wonder that after all the tinsel and glittering decorations are packed back up in the attic (except in my house, of course, where we are total slowpokes about leaving the holiday season behind), there seems to be a period of letdown?

Yes, here we are in January, and 'tis the season to work on those resolutions. Whether you're trying to lose weight or get organized, this time of the year can just feel hard.

Gone are the holiday parties. Now it's time to work off the 10 pounds you put on while noshing on all that fabulous food consumed at them. Forget the tinsel and bows around the Christmas tree. Now you're trying to find a place to put it all, as you search for those financial files underneath the rolls of wrapping paper strewn across your office.

Familial Guilt: Is It My Fault? Is It Theirs?

"Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?" – John 9:2

I received a call from a dear family friend the other day. I hadn’t heard from her in a while and she needed to talk. After we got through a few minutes of small talk, she said she had to share something important with me: her teenage daughter had been diagnosed with glaucoma.

It began with a straightforward statement and explanation of the doctor’s finding. But then, mid-sentence, she broke down in tears.

“I feel so awful!” she cried. “The doctor says it’s genetic. It’s my fault!”

I listened as my sweet friend poured out her heart to me, so broken that her own genetic makeup – including several chronic illnesses – had been passed down to the next generation.

Familial guilt is all too common…and all too painful.

Just ask the parents of a child who has gone astray. No matter what they may have done right, their question is always “Where did we go wrong?” We blame ourselves when our perfect little babies don’t stay so perfect.

Releasing the Ghosts of the Past

“No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” Philippians 3:13 (NLT)

I hadn’t looked at my high school yearbooks in years. There was no need. That was then. This is now. I had moved on. Or so I thought.

As I reached up into the living room cabinet and took one down, I could feel the memories flooding back. Opening the cover, I could hear the spine crackling, as if the book was an ancient artifact, fragile from years of storage.

I felt a sense of dread come over me. Sure, there were some good times back then, but buried in that book were memories that haunted me right down to the core of my soul. These were not just a few bad moments. These were the kinds of ghosts that I had spent years trying to exorcise from my mind, the kinds that would keep me locked up in a prison of guilt and shame, remorse and regret.

Finding Hidden Treasures (aka Arthritis in your Armpits!)

“I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” – Isaiah 45:3

A few years ago, while on a camping trip with my daughter, I learned a new game called geocaching. Similar to a scavenger hunt, you use a global positioning system (GPS) to find a hidden “cache” of treasure. The difference between the two games, however, is that with geocaching, you don’t know exactly what you’re looking for. All you know is that it will be in a container of some kind, and that it will be located at certain coordinates on the GPS. The treasure itself is a surprise.

I have noticed, in my journey with God, that life can sometimes be like geocaching. We are looking for something – our purpose, a new direction, or perhaps a specific answer to prayer – but we aren’t sure exactly what we will find.

At the Crossroads: Go This Way!

“Your ears will hear sweet words behind you: ‘Go this way. There is your path; this is how you should go’ whenever you must decide whether to turn to the right or the left.” – Isaiah 30:21 (VOICE)

It was a rough night. I tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable. My head was aching and my heart was pounding, as the thoughts continued to whirl around in my mind. “Give me peace, Lord,” I prayed, but peace wasn’t to come. Deep inside me, a battle was raging. A battle between truth and deception. A struggle to discern what was right, and ultimately, which way to go.

Crossroads in life are rarely comfortable. I’m not talking about the easy, yes-no decisions we make every day. I’m talking about the hard ones. The ones that come with a cost, especially if you make a mistake. The ones that can be gut wrenching and keep you up at night.

There I was, at a crossroads, again.

I don’t like these places. They scare me. I want the facts to be clear, the decision cut and dried, the answer to be easy. But that’s rarely the case, is it?

So often, those crossroads moments sneak up on us. A sideways glance. A nagging feeling here and there. A piece of evidence that doesn’t add up.

Pretty soon, though, those little pieces of evidence start to pile up in front of us. Like a jigsaw puzzle coming together, we start to see a bigger picture.

The problem is when the picture we are seeing now isn’t the picture we saw before.

Did the puzzle pieces come from the same box? Did I get it wrong from the start? Or did I jump into an unfinished canvas, and the artist changed course midstream? 

“Give me wisdom,” I prayed.

I knew God would answer that prayer. 

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” – James 1:15

As the sun arose over my sleepless night, I got up, determined to validate what I knew in my heart. I searched for knowledge and found it readily. I prayed for discernment and was able to sift fact from fiction. I prayed for wisdom, and found confirmation and validation for all I had been seeing and hearing and feeling for weeks, months, and possibly years.

But the crossroads was still there in front of me.

What do we do with knowledge and wisdom, once we have it in hand? How do we know which way to go?

One of the truths I was reminded of recently was that prayer was never designed to be a speech, but rather a conversation. Yes, it’s a time to share our hearts with the Lord. But it’s also a time to listen.

The prophets knew what it was to be at a crossroads, to be facing big challenges that required big decisions. At one of those crossroads, the prophet Elijah discovered something remarkable. 

As he stood on a mountaintop, weighted down with despair and trying to decide whether to live or die, hide or fight for his faith, he waited for the Lord. Scripture says that when the Lord passed by, there was a raging wind, a powerful earthquake and a blazing fire.

After Moses encountered God in the burning bush, Elijah probably expected to find Him there in one of those big, obvious signs, just as we want Him (and His answers) to appear to us in neon lights. There would be no mistaking it, then! And yet, the Bible says Elijah did not find Him there.

After the wind, after the earthquake, after the fire … came a still, small voice. Elijah was still. He was listening. And he heard it. The voice of God. Telling him what he needed to hear: which way to go.

Two hundred years later, God told Isaiah to remind the people of this truth.

“Your ears will hear sweet words behind you: ‘Go this way. There is your path; this is how you should go’ whenever you must decide whether to turn to the right or the left.” – Isaiah 30:21

He reminds us to listen for His voice.

His voice, the passage says, lines up with His commandments. We can find His still, small voice through scripture.

His voice was heard through the mouths of the prophets. We can find His still, small voice through the wise counsel of biblically grounded Christians.

His voice was heard in the quiet. We can find His still, small voice through prayer.

His voice is sweet. We can recognize it by the love it conveys and the peace it brings to our hearts.

Today, my path is clear. I am no longer at a crossroads. I have heard the voice of the Lord saying “Go this way!” and I am traveling in that direction. I don’t have all the answers, and don’t know the final destination on this particular avenue of my life. But I know I am going the right way. All the signs point in that direction. And I have peace, knowing the Lord is behind me, charting my path, whispering “go!”


What big decisions are you facing? Have you prayed for wisdom and discernment? Have you sought out God’s still, small voice? Where is He calling you to go today?

At the Crossroads: Go This Way! originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins. Click here for more posts. Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. 

Many of Spring Sight's posts can also be found each week on Crystal Storms' #IntentionalTuesday,  Kelly Balarie's #RaRaLinkUp, Holly Barrett's Testimony Tuesday, Arabah Joy's Grace & Truth, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart,  and Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday. This week, I am also linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee and Dawn at Journeys in Grace.

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Pride and Prejudice: What are you? Who are you?

“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” – 1 Samuel 16:7b

Almost 10 years ago, when my daughter was just a baby, I was sitting on a bench in a shopping mall, with her in the stroller next to me, when a young couple walked up and then stopped. “Aw! She’s so cute!” the girl said, looking at Jenna’s little baby face smiling up at her. “What is she?” Huh??? I thought. “Um, a baby,” I replied. The couple looked at each other and then back at me, “No, I mean, what is she?” It took me a minute or two to realize that they were inquiring about my daughter’s race, as her skin is darker than mine. “Oh…she’s Hispanic,” I answered.

Until that moment, I really hadn’t given too much thought about what my baby was. I was focused on who she was: my precious little girl Jenna! Yet, in the time that’s passed between then and now, I have realized that we as people often view others (and sometimes ourselves) as what we are, rather than who we are. It’s much easier that way, isn’t it?

What we are is a much simpler question to answer, enabling us to categorize people by their race, their religion, their profession…the list goes on. Who we are is a much more complex question, and requires deeper knowledge of things like character, something often only really known by ourselves and by God. If we are open and transparent enough, perhaps our close family members or friends will know us well enough to be able to say who we are, but it takes time for our fullest, truest selves to be revealed. 

We all come with prejudices – preexisting ideas about people – that are not necessarily positive or negative, but are shaped by what we are taught and by our experiences. That’s one of the dangers of only looking at what someone is, rather than who they are. Describe someone as a “corporate executive” and some might look upon that person as a hardworking, successful pillar of the community, whereas others might think of him as a self-centered, greedy person who doesn’t care about anyone or anything other than lining his own pockets. Unfair, right? You really don’t know which portrayal is accurate – and the truth may lie somewhere in between the extremes – unless you get to know who the person is you’re describing.

Even when we try hard not to label people with our prejudices in mind, we do it anyway. We do it when we think about others, and we do it when we think about ourselves. It is ingrained in our society. In fact, one of the most commonly asked questions we are asked as children is “What do you want to be when you grow up?” It continues as adults too. “What college did you go to?” “What do you do?” “What do you drive?” “What do you weigh?” and the really hot one these days, “What (political party) are you?” What, what, what?? With every answer, we put ourselves and others into a little box labeled WHAT. Sometimes, we like the WHAT box a little too much, smug and proud, thinking that’s all that matters. In other cases, the WHAT box doesn't measure up to “standards.” And if we don’t like the WHAT box, we don’t like who is in it.

God knows we have an identity crisis. He knows we tend to make snap judgments, based on outward appearances. That’s why Jesus said, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” This is not an admonition to ignore sin in others, so that God will ignore yours. It speaks to the attitude we are to have towards each other: humility. Jesus continues, “For others will treat you as you treat them.” Ouch! Yes, judging others only by what they are on the outside can have a boomerang effect.

Jesus goes on to explain how our tendency is to point out the faults in others, while ignoring our own, and that the solution to both pride and prejudice is to take the “board out of our own eye” so we can see our brother clearly. What does that mean? It means that when we realize how much grace we need, by looking at our own shortcomings, we see others in a new light, perhaps being willing to look beyond just what they are and see who they are.

What if our biggest problem with the WHAT box isn't how we view others, though, but rather how we view ourselves? As illustrated in the earlier example of the corporate executive, how we see the WHAT box is a matter of our perspective, and sometimes we don’t have the best view. Is what you see yourself as enough? I had the most wonderful conversation the other day with a friend, whom I consider just delightful. Unfortunately, she hasn't always seen herself that way, suffering from depression. The fact is, we all have insecurities that can cloud our vision of ourselves. Some of our WHAT boxes may be beautiful to others, but look ugly to us. Or perhaps we have blind spots that others can see but we can't. We need grace for ourselves, as much as we need to give it to others.

Fortunately, unlike humans, God isn't concerned with our WHAT boxes. Today’s verse from 1 Samuel 16:7 makes that clear:  God doesn't judge us as books by their covers. He sees much more than what we are, into the very heart of who we are. The Bible is full of examples of people who didn't have what it took (from a human perspective) to be used by God, but He knew they were who He needed to get the job done. No matter what you are, He loves you for who you are, and His love for you never changes. His Word says, in Jeremiah 31, “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love; with unfailing kindness I have drawn you to myself.”

Who are you? His.

What are you? Loved.

How are you at separating the what from the who when thinking about others and yourself? Is your identity found in your relationship with God, who sees your heart and loves you endlessly and unconditionally, or in your WHAT box of outward appearances and worldly achievements?

Pride and Prejudice: What are you? Who are you? originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins.  Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

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