You're Not Alone: Five Ways Out of Loneliness

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” - Genesis 2:18

Everyone gets lonely sometimes. Some of us are better at it than others. When life gets stressful, I can find a million and one reasons for being lonely, and I bet you can too.

In my previous marriage to someone prone to workaholism, I frequently felt lonely as I waited indefinitely for him to get off the phone or the computer. After our divorce, when I was simultaneously crushed with grief, struggling as a single parent, and no longer a part of my married-couple social circle, I felt a new level of loneliness. Then illness came, with its various flavors of isolating effects. From not being able to drive at times, to not being physically able to participate in planned activities, it has driven me even further away from the vibrant social life I used to know.

In some ways, I have come to appreciate my slower lifestyle, as it gives me more time for introspection and contemplation. This blog would never have come to be without a lifestyle change. I just would have been too busy! And don’t get me wrong, I’m still a fairly busy person and my day-to-day responsibilities are hardly drudgery. I enjoy my work and the time I spend caring for my daughter, husband and other family members. I also take time for my church, which I wouldn’t trade for anything. But even in the midst of this, I sometimes get that longing for something…more. It’s a feeling of being disconnected, which seems strange in an era when we are SO “connected” via cell phones, email and social media. Yet, there it is. When I’m home alone and the phone doesn’t ring, I check my email and it’s all business, or the holiday passes and I didn’t get invited to the party…I start feeling a little lonely inside.

I suspect I am not alone in my loneliness. Yes, I bet you feel that way too. The good news is that neither of us have to stay that way. I’ve now experienced loneliness enough in my life to know how to effectively deal with it. Here is what I have found to be five ways out of it.

1. Give a smile and get one back. It seems simple, doesn’t it? Yes, it is! Really and truly, one of the best ways I have found to get myself out of a “funk” is to be as friendly as possible to those around me, especially with people who expect it least. Long line at the store, with frustrated customers and a frazzled checkout clerk? Smile and wish everyone a great day, and you’ll be amazed to see what happens. As the tension lifts and you get smiles of appreciation back, you’ll start to feel better too! Suddenly, the world will feel like a happier place. And it all started with you.

2. Get on – or off – social media. This is a tough one, but I know you can do it! I didn’t spend much time on Facebook until I found myself both working from home and unable to drive (for medical reasons) for six months. Talk about isolating! Facebook became my hero, my vehicle for staying connected to the rest of the world. Online communication has done wonders for many others with physical disabilities as well. Sometimes I check Facebook to see what’s going on in friends’ lives so I can ask them about it when we talk, and to enjoy their vacation pics. But there’s another side to social media that can actually make you feel worse, especially if you’re prone to envy. When everyone else is having a good time and you’re stuck at home, does seeing the posts bring you up or down? Do you feel happy to simply be a part of their life by observing it, or does it make you feel left out? Take an honest look at social media and how it makes you feel. It may be time to use it for greater connection, or it may be time to give it a break. Which leads me to my next point…

3. Pick up the 1,000-pound telephone. OK, so this is my number one weakness. It sounds so easy, doesn’t it? If you’re lonely, call someone! And yet, in the midst of deadlines and other responsibilities, this is one area of my self-care that I tend to neglect. Perhaps it’s fear of rejection. Maybe it’s that I have been stuck at home ill and don’t have great stories to share, so I figure I have nothing to contribute to the conversation other than “woe is me.” Whatever the reason for your hesitation, mustering up the courage to pick up the phone is one of the best ways of tackling your isolation. Take the focus off your insecurities by asking your friend how they are doing. Then end it with an invitation for a next step – whether it’s another call sometime, coffee or lunch. You may feel alone before the call, but it’s a good chance you won’t afterwards.

4. Become a part of something bigger. Usually, when I am feeling the loneliest, it is because I am focused on ME. My wants, my needs, my desires. What is the best cure? Focusing on something bigger than me. Psychologists have found a need for belonging is one of man’s greatest needs. So it’s no wonder we feel lonely when we set ourselves up to be all alone. Community is important, and teaming up with others for a good cause is a great way to get it. Get involved with your church or a non-profit and spend time helping others. If you can’t do it in person, do it online, even if it means just chiming in with some positive support for people who are struggling with similar health or life issues. You’ll feel connected, less lonely, and good about being able to help those less fortunate than you.

5. Make time for the One who loves you most. This may be last on my list here, but it’s my personal first go-to when I’m feeling lonely. The fact is, we can’t ease the deepest sense of our longings and heal our loneliness ourselves, or even with other people. You see, there is a God-shaped hole in our hearts that can only be filled with Him. Believe me, I have tried filling that hole with everything else, and it just doesn’t work. The Bible is full of reassurances that God loves me, and reading those can often help me realize that I am never really alone in this world. I can also feel Him in my spirit when I am in prayer, or out in nature, seeing all the beauty He has created. But while God says He will never leave me (Deut. 31:6), I have to make time to recognize Him and to embrace the great love He offers. It is only then that I can find true inner peace and fulfillment.

God does not want you to feel lonely, my friend. In Genesis, God said of the first human being, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will give him a helper,” and created woman. That is why we were given the gift of marriage and of community with others. We are in this together. With Him. You may feel lonely sometimes, but you are never alone.

When do you feel the loneliest? Which of these five ways out of loneliness have you tried, and which have worked the best for you? When you feel lonely, God is there! Cry out to Him and let Him show you how to feel less alone.

You're Not Alone: Five Ways Out of Loneliness originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins.  Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

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