Monday, July 2, 2018

Why Our Behavior Matters

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." - Luke 6:31

My husband and I made a new friend recently. His name is Tom. We met him at a New Year's Eve event and by every account, he was the life of the party. He was all smiles and laughter, and was not too proud to don the colorful beads and top hat that were provided to celebrants. We never would have guessed that he was a stage 4 lung cancer patient if his wife Darrelynn hadn't told us about his condition.

Tom had a bad reaction to a chemotherapy drug recently, which landed him in the hospital for several days and in a rehabilitation center for a couple of weeks afterwards. When I went to visit him, I could hardly believe that he had been at death's door just a few days beforehand. He was so cheery, he made me smile. He hugged on everyone who came into his room and gave a word of encouragement and appreciation to all of the nurses and aides. He gave all the credit for his joy to the Lord.

When Tom left the care center, Darrelynn posted a picture on Facebook of her and Tom with some of the people there. Below the group of smiling people, she described how they had become friends with many of the "wonderful staff" there.

If you didn't know Tom and Darrelynn, you might think he had been at a five-star nursing facility, they way they described their experience. I knew better. When I had googled the place before going to visit, I noted it's low rating and some people's complaints about the unfriendly staff. The truth is that it wasn't just the staff that made Tom's experience there so wonderful. It was Tom (and Darrelynn, whose spirit shines just as brightly).

If you grew up with siblings, or if you have more than one child, you know something about deflection, otherwise known as the blame game. Two kids get in a fight, and when each one shares their story, it inevitably is always the other one's fault. "She started it!" or "I wouldn't have, except for him..." is usually how the story starts. No one ever wants to admit their part in it.

There is an old saying "There are two sides to every story, and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle." I imagine that truism has been around for thousands of years, because Jesus neatly addressed the issue when he preached about loving others.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you," Jesus said. He followed up by saying that this is not just how we should treat our friends, but also our enemies. Yes, we are called to treat others - everyone - as we would want to be treated.

I could easily address this in the political realm, where lately civility has completely gone up in smoke. I will not, however, because this is not a blog to discuss political issues. Spring Sight is designed to bring encouragement and hope to those struggling with chronic illness. So how do we relate this to our situation?

I used Tom as an example for a reason. Tom was diagnosed with cancer over two years ago. At the time, he was given just a few weeks to live. Boy, has he surprised those doctors! But he hasn't been without suffering. He has had to live with his cancer, and the side effects of his treatments, every day.

While Tom could easily complain, he has chosen to keep his eyes on Jesus and to be grateful instead. Rather than lashing out in anger and pain, he has reached out to everyone in love. And you know what? As a result of the way he has treated others with love and kindness, that love and kindness gets poured right back into Tom.

The principle is this: It is hard to hate the one who loves you.

Have you ever been rushing through the grocery store, in a bad mood, and then someone smiles and opens the door for you or tells you to have a nice day? I don't know about you, but that one small gesture can cheer me right up.

Just as we who are ill rely on caregivers to be kind and sweet to us. so we must remember that it is easier to care for someone who shows gratitude and kindness as well. What comes around goes around, as they say. Perhaps that nurse isn't mean, but rather having problems at home. Will you pass judgment on her, or just focus on how kind you can be? Maybe that doctor who kept you waiting for an hour is overwhelmed with patients whose problems are bigger than he can fix in an instant. Your patience may be just the gift he needs right now.

Day in and day out, we have our ups and downs. Sometimes we feel fine and sometimes we are doing well to just put one foot in front of the other. It can be downright difficult to muster a smile at times. And yet, we have to keep going, as do our spouses and other caregivers we interact with.

If we truly want our days - and our relationships - to be better, then we need to remember what Jesus said. Be kind first. Treat others as you would want them to treat you. There's a good chance it will circle right back to you.

Peace, joy and love to you today -


Why Our Behavior Matters originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins. Click here for more posts. Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook. 

Many of Spring Sight's posts can also be found each week on Crystal Storms' Thoughtful Thursday,  Kelly Balarie's #RaRaLinkUp, Holly Barrett's Testimony Tuesday, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart, and Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday. I also link up often with Jennifer Dukes Lee and Dawn at Journeys in Grace, as well as with Lori Schumaker.