Why Our Behavior Matters

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." - Luke 6:31

My husband and I made a new friend recently. His name is Tom. We met him at a New Year's Eve event and by every account, he was the life of the party. He was all smiles and laughter, and was not too proud to don the colorful beads and top hat that were provided to celebrants. We never would have guessed that he was a stage 4 lung cancer patient if his wife Darrelynn hadn't told us about his condition.

Tom had a bad reaction to a chemotherapy drug recently, which landed him in the hospital for several days and in a rehabilitation center for a couple of weeks afterwards. When I went to visit him, I could hardly believe that he had been at death's door just a few days beforehand. He was so cheery, he made me smile. He hugged on everyone who came into his room and gave a word of encouragement and appreciation to all of the nurses and aides. He gave all the credit for his joy to the Lord.

When Tom left the care center, Darrelynn posted a picture on Facebook of her and Tom with some of the people there. Below the group of smiling people, she described how they had become friends with many of the "wonderful staff" there.

If you didn't know Tom and Darrelynn, you might think he had been at a five-star nursing facility, they way they described their experience. I knew better. When I had googled the place before going to visit, I noted it's low rating and some people's complaints about the unfriendly staff. The truth is that it wasn't just the staff that made Tom's experience there so wonderful. It was Tom (and Darrelynn, whose spirit shines just as brightly).

If you grew up with siblings, or if you have more than one child, you know something about deflection, otherwise known as the blame game. Two kids get in a fight, and when each one shares their story, it inevitably is always the other one's fault. "She started it!" or "I wouldn't have, except for him..." is usually how the story starts. No one ever wants to admit their part in it.

There is an old saying "There are two sides to every story, and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle." I imagine that truism has been around for thousands of years, because Jesus neatly addressed the issue when he preached about loving others.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you," Jesus said. He followed up by saying that this is not just how we should treat our friends, but also our enemies. Yes, we are called to treat others - everyone - as we would want to be treated.

I could easily address this in the political realm, where lately civility has completely gone up in smoke. I will not, however, because this is not a blog to discuss political issues. Spring Sight is designed to bring encouragement and hope to those struggling with chronic illness. So how do we relate this to our situation?

I used Tom as an example for a reason. Tom was diagnosed with cancer over two years ago. At the time, he was given just a few weeks to live. Boy, has he surprised those doctors! But he hasn't been without suffering. He has had to live with his cancer, and the side effects of his treatments, every day.

While Tom could easily complain, he has chosen to keep his eyes on Jesus and to be grateful instead. Rather than lashing out in anger and pain, he has reached out to everyone in love. And you know what? As a result of the way he has treated others with love and kindness, that love and kindness gets poured right back into Tom.

The principle is this: It is hard to hate the one who loves you.

Have you ever been rushing through the grocery store, in a bad mood, and then someone smiles and opens the door for you or tells you to have a nice day? I don't know about you, but that one small gesture can cheer me right up.

Just as we who are ill rely on caregivers to be kind and sweet to us. so we must remember that it is easier to care for someone who shows gratitude and kindness as well. What comes around goes around, as they say. Perhaps that nurse isn't mean, but rather having problems at home. Will you pass judgment on her, or just focus on how kind you can be? Maybe that doctor who kept you waiting for an hour is overwhelmed with patients whose problems are bigger than he can fix in an instant. Your patience may be just the gift he needs right now.

Day in and day out, we have our ups and downs. Sometimes we feel fine and sometimes we are doing well to just put one foot in front of the other. It can be downright difficult to muster a smile at times. And yet, we have to keep going, as do our spouses and other caregivers we interact with.

If we truly want our days - and our relationships - to be better, then we need to remember what Jesus said. Be kind first. Treat others as you would want them to treat you. There's a good chance it will circle right back to you.

Peace, joy and love to you today -

Linda

Why Our Behavior Matters originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins. Click here for more posts. Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook. 

Many of Spring Sight's posts can also be found each week on Crystal Storms' Thoughtful Thursday,  Kelly Balarie's #RaRaLinkUp, Holly Barrett's Testimony Tuesday, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart, and Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday. I also link up often with Jennifer Dukes Lee and Dawn at Journeys in Grace, as well as with Lori Schumaker.

Embracing Joy

"Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!" - Nehemiah 8:10

Don't let my smile fool you; I am not a naturally happy person.

Neither a sunny optimist nor a depressed pessimist, I am a realist. Unfortunately, reality doesn't often match up with my highest hopes and dreams. And knowing that fact, as evidenced too many times in my life, makes it hard for me to stay up in the clouds of excitement for very long.

When I was first diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (RA), I was relieved to hear that my case was considered mild. After reading up on my disease, however, I quickly learned that it was a progressive disease and couldn't help but begin thinking about "what ifs." What if it gets worse? What if the medicines make me sick or cause me to lose my hair? What if they don't work at all? What if, what if, what if.

It is no wonder that Philippians 4:6 became my favorite Bible verse very early on...by the age of about nine, actually. "Do not worry about anything..." it begins. Yeah right, said Little Miss Worry Wart. "Instead pray about everything." Okay, I will try that, I thought. And so I did.

Healing from Within: Turning Away from Toxicity

"Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things." - Colossians 3:2

What if I were to tell you that there is a way to start healing your body immediately, without any drugs or special diets? Would you try it?

There isn’t anyone I know, especially within the chronic illness community, who wouldn't say yes. We are all longing for something to make us feel better.

The burden of chronic illness is not apparent to those outside of our world. We may look fine on the outside, and may even be able to perform our daily activities as if we were not ill. But those of us who have lived with illness day after day, year after year, know the burdens we carry. They are not light. There is a heaviness in our hearts, knowing that we will never get well.

As our symptoms come and go, and the bottles of medicines stack up on our nightstands, we are reminded that we are not like other people. We hesitate to make plans in advance, for we don’t know how we will feel that day. We cancel lunches with friends we love because they’ve come down with a bad cold, and if we catch it, that may take us down a path we can’t recover from.

We watch what we eat, we do the exercises that are prescribed, we get stuck with needles on a regular basis, and we go to countless doctor visits. Sometimes it feels like all we have time for is tending to our health. It’s draining.

What I’ve recently realized, however, is that there’s something that can make us feel even worse: toxic thinking. That can take a variety of forms, from self-pity to anger at family members who just don’t “get” that you’re really sick. One particular topic that has been top-of-mind and become quite toxic for me, however, is politics. It’s something I’ve always enjoyed discussing and debating, but lately, not so much. And while you may not think it’s relevant to this blog, read on.

Giving Thanks for What I Don't Have

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
I Thessalonians 5:18

“Keep an attitude of gratitude.” I’ve heard that phrase over and over again through the years. For me, it’s what I tell myself when I’m going through a hard time. It reminds me to find the little things to be thankful for, especially when the big things in my life are looming over me like a scary monster about to chew me up and spit me out.

An attitude of gratitude has gotten me through a lot in life. In every situation, from my divorce to my father’s death, I have tried to find the silver lining in the dark clouds. “Well, at least it’s amicable,” I mused about the breakup of my marriage; and “He’s no longer suffering” is what I said when my father passed after a two-year battle with cancer. This “silver lining” approach has become so ingrained in me that my closest friends know that every trial I tell them about will be followed up with the statement “but it could be worse…”

Yes, it could be worse, couldn’t it? It’s easy to sit on our pity pot when times are tough; and yet, when you step outside yourself, you find that even with your troubles, there is often someone else hurting a whole lot more. In the “old days” when I was growing up, parents would remind us of this, even if it were to just tell us to eat all the food on our plates. “Think about the starving children in Africa,” they would say. Suddenly we appreciated that we had food at all, even if it wasn’t our favorite dish.

I am reminded of this today because I find myself surrounded by friends and family members for whom it really is worse. While I sit here typing this blog, I am looking out the window at a beautiful sunny day, thinking fondly about the walk I took in the park with a friend this morning and the laughter we shared over coffee. Sure, I have multiple chronic illnesses and a torn rotator cuff that isn’t quite healed. It can be difficult to sleep and sometimes hurts to get dressed in the morning. I don’t like that.

But then I think about a friend whose child is struggling with depression, to the point of suicidal thoughts. Another friend is sitting at the hospital waiting for the doctor to give him a prognosis on his son suffering from traumatic brain injury due to an accident. One family member’s RA treatment isn’t working and she is facing knee replacement, while another family member is preparing for cancer surgery and chemo.

Having a thankful heart, however, is not the same as giving thanks. Giving thanks is an active verb, not a passive condition. God wants our gratitude, but he also wants action behind it.

13 Reasons Why {Not}

"So don’t worry, because I am with you. Don’t be afraid, because I am your God. I will make you strong and will help you. I will support you with my right hand that saves you." - Isaiah 41:10

It was an ordinary Friday night. We had just gone to dinner as a family and were settling down in front of the TV, talking about what to watch.

"You should watch 13 Reasons Why, Mom," my daughter said. "It's really good!"

Curious about the show she had mentioned once before, I looked online to see if there was more information on it before making a decision. Why yes, there was. A whole lot of positive reviews for its direction and creativity, and a whole lot of talk from parents and psychologists expressing concern over the graphic content and messaging that was making suicide hotlines light up like Christmas trees.

If you don't have a tween or teen, you might not have heard of the latest show on Netflix, which is based on a novel in which a teenage girl commits suicide. The "13 reasons why" refer to 13 messages she left for individuals whose actions played a part in her decision to take her life.

I will be the first to tell you I haven't seen the show and I don't plan to. I will also say that the same night I learned about it, I took steps to adjust the parental controls on my TV and my daughter's cell phone.

There are some who think we as parents should watch the show "to understand what our teens face" in today's world. By all means, if you grew up in an untarnished, sheltered environment, perhaps this is the eye opener you need. Drinking, drugs, bullying and date rape...it's all there, graphically depicted (apparently).

But as for me, I haven't always lived in the light. I have touched that darkness - the despair, the depression, the shame, the hopelessness - and was almost swallowed up by it. I'm not going back. And I'm certainly not taking my 12-year-old back with me.

When I began writing this blog almost three years ago, it was to give people hope. Living with chronic illness is not easy. Depression is common, and suicide is not unheard of. When the pain feels like it will never end, when your life feels over, it is easy to give up. There are those who do. But I'm here to tell you - DON'T. 

I spent the first few months of this year in daily, intense pain from chronic migraines. If you have ever had a true migraine, you will know what I mean when I say it's not just a headache. At one point, during a trip to New York, I rocked back and forth on the bed, holding my head, crying and screaming, "Please help me. Somebody, help me!" Not long afterwards, I went into the bathroom and threw up, before crawling back into bed and finally passing out from the pain.

If ever there was a degree of physical pain that made me feel like giving up, it has been during episodes of severe migraine. I have literally felt like dying at times, because I thought I couldn't handle the pain even one more minute.

And yet, here I am.

Thankfully, God designed our bodies not to remember physical pain. I can tell you what happened, and generally how I felt, but I can't re-live the pain itself. Unfortunately, that isn't the case with emotional scars. Those wounds can sometimes take a lifetime to heal, and when they are reopened, they can hurt just as much as when the initial pain was inflicted.

When I am hurting physically, I may feel like dying, but when the pain goes away, life looks sunny again. It's easy to then see that "this too shall pass" because it really does. Even with chronic illness, there are moments when the pain dissipates enough to find moments of joy. It's important to look for those, because it helps you endure the rest of the time. Looking at my photos from New York, no one would ever know I had spent half the trip in pain, because the rest of the time, I was all smiles! Yes, there were a few of those pics where I was in "fake it 'til you make it" mode, but for the most part, I managed to salvage some really great moments that far outweighed the nightmare migraines I endured.

We have to be careful with emotional pain, though. I don't know who coined the phrase "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me," because that's just not true. Harsh words, coming from friends or family members, cut deep. We begin to believe what we hear, and wonder if we really are OK...or not. 

Our mistakes can hurt too. When I look back at my teen years and even into my 20's, it's easy to beat myself up over the many poor decisions I made. I may have changed my ways, but the consequences of those decisions didn't just disappear. There are so many times I have wished I could go back and have a "redo."

And sexual violence and abuse...well, that pain cut to the very core of who I was, and it took years of therapy for the flashbacks and nightmares to stop. I can still remember hands holding me down, then the hand placed over my mouth as I cried out in pain, ordered to "shut up!" because someone might hear; and the sting of my tears when it hit me that I was not a virgin anymore.

Night after night, for many years, I cried out to the Lord, "Why God, why?" I certainly could have come up with 13 good reasons to take my life. And yet, I did not. Growing up in the church, I was told suicide was the one unforgivable sin, because how can you confess killing yourself when you are already dead? I'm not sure that God in His infinite mercy wouldn't have forgiven me, but I do know that was not the only thing that kept me alive. 

The words spoken by God in Isaiah 41:10 are powerful. Don’t be afraid, because I am your God. I will make you strong and will help you. I will support you with my right hand that saves you. Every moment of every day in which I have been in either physical or emotional pain, I have had to remember them. God will help me. God is with me. God will save me.

Despite my health situation, despite my poor choices, despite whatever bad things I have believed about myself, and despite the physical and psychological trauma I have experienced, I have held on to those promises: God will help me. God is with me. God will save me.

And you know what? He has.

Jeremiah 29:11 says that God has a plan for us...a good one! The only way to find out about that plan, though, is to live it out. We have to wade through the mud, fight the battles, and allow God to cut away entanglements that hold us back, in order to reach the promised land He has for us. Sometimes it isn't easy. Sometimes, we aren't sure we are going to make it, or whether it's worth it. But it is. It always is. How do we know? Because He says so.

Back in my younger days, surrounded by darkness and not seeing much light ahead of me, I could have found 13 reasons why my life wasn't worth living. Today, looking back in hindsight, I can find 13 reasons - and more - that God wanted me to hold on for. 

If I were able to talk to my teenage self and tell her the 13 reasons why not to take her own life, here are what they would be:

1. God has a plan for you - a good one - and you will get to hold His hand through your entire journey, finding more comfort and joy, peace and love than you ever thought possible.

2. You may not realize it, but you're not alone. A lot of people look perfect on the outside, but their life is messy too. Even Jesus suffered through gossip, betrayal, pain and loss. He gets what you're going through.

3. You think if you were only "good enough" those people will like you. The truth is, some people won't like you even if you're the most wonderful person in the world. That's more about them than it is about you.

4. You think your pain is never going to end, but I promise it will. One day, you'll graduate. One day, you'll move (or they will). One day, you'll meet people who like you just the way you are. One day, your broken heart will heal. One day, you won't just notice the rain. You'll see the sunshine and notice the flowers too.

5. Your parents aren't perfect. Neither are you. Do the best you can to deal with them, the same way they are doing the best they can to deal with you. That whole parenting thing is as hard for them as it feels to you.

6. Everyone makes mistakes. Lots of them. Learn from them, but forgive yourself too. God loves you, warts and all, and the Bible is full of people who have screwed up but God used them anyway! Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will eventually get where you need to be.

7. You may feel powerless, but God is all powerful. Give your biggest problems to Him, do the next right thing, and leave the results to Him.

8. That rape or physical abuse? No, it's not your fault and don't let anyone say otherwise. You didn't ask for it and you didn't deserve it. Stop blaming yourself and get some help instead.

9. Just because "everybody's doing it" doesn't mean you need to. There are many miserable people in the world, doing things they know aren't right. Don't become one, just to fit in. Live your values and you'll keep your confidence.

10. There isn't any problem that an alcoholic drink or drug (or act of self-harm) won't make worse. And even if you feel better momentarily, there will be a hefty price to pay the next day or even further down the road. Reach out for help instead.

11. When God feels far away, remember who's moved. He is always there for you. Don't forget to reach up.

12. Don't be a victim of "stinking thinking." Fill your mind with positive thoughts and surround yourself with positive people. You have to look beyond your problems to find the solutions.

13. Life is like a rose: it is full of petals and thorns. Yes, sometimes it's painful, but there's an awful lot of beauty there too. Count your blessings every day. A little gratitude can go a long way.

Had I not chosen to live through the pain of my early years, I hate to think what I would have missed later on: quiet sunrises, gorgeous sunsets, warm embraces, wildflowers in the spring, happy smiles and travel across the miles. Every day, there is something new to look forward to.

The world is tough and pain is real. Just don't forget whose you are, and who's got your back! God will help you. God is with you. God will save you...every time.

Peace, joy and love to you today,

Linda

13 Reasons Why {Not} originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins. Click here for more posts. Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook and Twitter. 

Many of Spring Sight's posts can also be found each week on Crystal Storms' Thoughtful Thursday,  Kelly Balarie's #RaRaLinkUp, Holly Barrett's Testimony Tuesday, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart, and Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday. I also link up often with Jennifer Dukes Lee and Dawn at Journeys in Grace, as well as with Lori Schumaker.

Subscribe to Spring Sight (make sure to reply to the confirmation email to complete your subscription)

God is Listening

"But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help.

He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears." - Psalm 18:6 (NLT)

As I look across this room today, I am sick of being sick. After battling an upper respiratory infection for weeks, with a cough that just won’t go away, on top of a painful shoulder and a sore foot, I am tired of hurting.

This is an unexpected feeling, because before Christmas, I was feeling pretty good. I felt like I was pretty much in remission with my RA, and I began a diet, hoping to get my pre-RA figure back.

Alas, with rheumatoid arthritis – or life in general, I guess - nothing is ever a straight line.

That is where trust comes in. Trust in myself? Ha, I wish. I’ve been down that road before, thinking that if I just try harder or work smarter, it will all work out. Unfortunately, I can’t control every facet of my life, the least of which is my chronic illness.

I don’t like being told I’m not in control. I am a linear thinker, which means I want to know that if I am in control of the input, then I can control the output. That isn’t real life, though, is it? There are so many variables, only a few of which I am really in control of.

I am fortunate to have found a good program, Pack Health, about a year ago, which set me on the path to taking better care of myself. I’ve been able to apply the strategies to my life and as a result, I feel much better overall. I’ve even begun writing blog pieces for them, so that others may benefit from my experience. That said, no program can prevent all the curveballs that autoimmune diseases can throw at us.

For me, the most frustrating aspect of living with RA is the inability to heal. I thought I was never going to recover from my shoulder surgery two years ago. I did, but not without a lot of hard work, some extra time, and only with the help of a DMARD (disease modifying anti-rheumatic drug). I hadn’t needed to be on a DMARD before, but my doctor made it clear I would never fully recover the use of my shoulder without reducing the inflammation in my body. Wow, what a difference!

Yet here I am again, with the other shoulder’s torn rotator cuff…and despite months of physical therapy, it still hurts. And while I was just feeling good about a daily walk through the neighborhood with my husband, along comes a constant pain in the bottom of my foot. In between visits to my physical therapist, my rheumatologist and my primary care physician (for that pesky sinus infection), I might actually make it to the podiatrist. Joy…another new medical experience!

Not to sound like negative Nellie, but sometimes you just have to get real. You know what I mean?

I tell you why I’m sharing all of my frustrations here. It’s so you know that I understand where you’re at. I know exactly how it feels to be fed up. Or maybe we should call it “beat up” because sometimes that’s more like it, isn’t it? The pain is more than just physical; it’s emotional too. I don’t know about you, but there are days I just want to curl up in bed, throw the covers over my head, and quit.

You know what keeps me going, though? It’s that still, small voice that says “I’m not finished yet.”

Yes, I believe it when God says in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has a plan for my life and it’s a good one. I believe Him when He says He doesn’t start something He isn’t planning to finish. And somehow, I don’t think He’s done with me yet.

There are enough times in the Bible that God says “Do not fear…I will go with you” to let me know that even right now, while I’m ready to give up, He is with me, cheering me on. Sometimes, it’s seeing a news clip that makes me realize I’m really not so bad off after all, compared with them, anyway. At other times, it’s my daughter, who makes me smile and yet also makes me see how much she needs me. And when I look back over my life, I can see where God really has been there during the hard times, carrying me until I could get back on my feet and walk again.

I know that when I close my eyes and pray, my prayers are heard. He hears my cries. I know, because at some point, the pain stops – even if just for a few moments – and I can feel His peace and His presence.

Whatever you are struggling with today, whether it is chronic illness or something else, you can be confident in a God who loves you and cares for you. He hears your cries too and says, through the words of Jesus, “Come to me, lay down your burdens, and I will give you rest.”

Peace, love and joy to you today.

Linda

God is Listening originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins. Click here for more posts. Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook and Twitter. 

Many of Spring Sight's posts can also be found each week on Crystal Storms' Thoughtful Thursday,  Kelly Balarie's #RaRaLinkUp, Holly Barrett's Testimony Tuesday, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart, and Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday. I also link up often with Jennifer Dukes Lee and Dawn at Journeys in Grace, as well as with Lori Schumaker.

Subscribe to Spring Sight (make sure to reply to the confirmation email to complete your subscription)

Quit Yer Bellyachin'

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." - Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

Happy New Year! Or is it?

If the Christmas season is "the happiest time of the year" then is it any wonder that after all the tinsel and glittering decorations are packed back up in the attic (except in my house, of course, where we are total slowpokes about leaving the holiday season behind), there seems to be a period of letdown?

Yes, here we are in January, and 'tis the season to work on those resolutions. Whether you're trying to lose weight or get organized, this time of the year can just feel hard.

Gone are the holiday parties. Now it's time to work off the 10 pounds you put on while noshing on all that fabulous food consumed at them. Forget the tinsel and bows around the Christmas tree. Now you're trying to find a place to put it all, as you search for those financial files underneath the rolls of wrapping paper strewn across your office.

And the Winner is...

Congratulations to Deb Constien, who won a copy of The Case for Hope book by Lee Strobel in my recent giveaway! Thank you to all who participated by sharing my post with your friends on Facebook and Twitter, and for subscribing to Spring Sight. This was my first giveaway, but I have a few more in mind for 2017, so please continue to let people know about Spring Sight! As you know, this site exists for one sole purpose: to give hope to people who are hurting. 

As I sit here in my living room, looking at my lit Christmas tree, I am reminded of all the gifts I have received this year - love and laughter, hugs and kisses, sunny days and starry nights, cool breezes and warm fires. I truly believe that the best gifts in life are free. We receive some of them from family and friends, and some from the world around us.

So often, when we are diagnosed with a chronic illness, we may think we will no longer receive the gifts life has to offer. And yet, my few years with rheumatoid arthritis has taught me that's not true. Living with RA and my other chronic illnesses, I have learned that I now have other gifts to enjoy.

Where There is Hope {GIVEAWAY}

“The LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.” 

– Psalm 147:11 (NIV)

Have you ever thought about how precious the gift of hope is? How lost we feel when we don’t have it? If you have ever been hopeless, you know exactly what I mean. I remember many years ago, when I had wandered away from God and made a mess of my life, feeling hopeless. I didn’t know where to turn or what to do. But in desperation, I reached up to Him and He made me whole again. It wasn’t overnight. It was a process. But as I trusted His love for me, I began to see it becoming a reality.

#RABlog Week Day 5: Great Blog Posts I Have Read This Week

Just One Voice,

Singing in the darkness,

All it takes is One Voice,

Singing so they hear what's on your mind,

And when you look around you'll find

There's more than

One Voice

 - Barry Manilow - 

When I was 16 years old, I was a huge (or in the words of Donald Trump, lol, YUGE!) Barry Manilow fan. His songs somehow had the power to make me smile and cry at the same time. There was so much truth and so much raw emotion in them, and a few, like Copacabana, even had a little mystery and humor mixed in.

In the same way, #RABlog Week is one of my favorite times of the year because it brings together a whole lot of different stories and perspectives from rheumatoid arthritis (RA) patients from around the world. We smile as we hear a story we relate to. We cry when we read of someone’s pain and struggles that are even more difficult than our own. We get some good advice from others who have been there and done that. We are inspired and encouraged, and occasionally, we even find a little humor. As writers, we begin as just One Voice, but then learn there are a whole lot more of us, and together, we sing a beautiful chorus.

With almost 40 registered bloggers and more than 50 entries (so far), I haven’t had a chance to read all of this year’s blogs, but I can share with you a few I have enjoyed, as well as some collective wisdom I found threaded through all of them.

Caring for Yourself ... Wisely

"Use wisdom, and it will take care of you. Love wisdom, and it will keep you safe."
- Proverbs 4:6 (ICB)

Today is Day 2 of #RABlog Week and the topic is “Active vs Reactive Patients – We usually start as naïve and trusting patients, then at some point we realize we must take an active part in our own medical decisions…” 

Some of you may be reading this blog for the first time, as a result of #RA Blog Week, but there are others of you who are regular readers that don’t struggle with rheumatoid arthritis (RA), so I am going to talk today about something relevant to the #RABlog Week topic and to all of us: wisdom.

Perhaps there are a few exceptions out there, but for most of us, wisdom is not something we are born with. Take, in point, the story of ironing my doll clothes. 

I was about 10 years old and living in the tropics, and so wearing a bikini around the house wasn’t that unusual. My favorite doll Crissy, however, wanted to look a little fancier than I did. Alas, her dress was wrinkled. Being the daughter of a fashion queen (not just self-professed … my mother actually became a paid fashion and image consultant later in life), I knew that wearing wrinkled clothes just wouldn’t do. I told my mother, as she was walking out the door, that I would need to use the iron to take care of Crissy’s fashion crisis. 

Being the good mother she was, my mom told me to wait until she got back home. And being the (stubborn, disobedient) child I was, I completely ignored her instruction. Crissy’s dress was wrinkled. I was going to fix it. Period!

#RABlog Week Day 1: A Wedding, a Kayak and a Diagnosis

"RA Does Not Have to Define You" - Linda W. Perkins

Today is Day 1 of #RABlog Week and the topic is "Starting Stories." I've told my story several times here on Spring Sight and I wondered how I might tell it differently this time.

While I would never consider the diagnosis of a chronic, painful and incurable illness like rheumatoid arthritis to be amusing, there comes a point in your life when you have to find a way to laugh at even the worst of circumstances. After all, it's been said that laughter is good medicine for the soul, and I tend to agree.

So for today's post, I have created a title that's a take-off on the old "A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister" joke. Yes, my starting story could be best described as "A Wedding, a Kayak and a Diagnosis." And fortunately for me, I was reminded by a fellow RA blogger's post that I have already told this story once before, in a multimedia format that's much more interesting than just a written story.

So without further ado, may I present "A Wedding, a Kayak and a Diagnosis" as told by me, and produced by Health Central. Read, listen and enjoy (spoiler alert: it has a good ending)!

My Story: A Wedding, a Kayak and a Diagnosis (link)

Check back here during the week for more RA-related posts, and go to the #RABlog Week topics page to find posts by other RA bloggers!

#RABlog Week Day 1: A Wedding, a Kayak and a Diagnosis originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins. Click here for more posts. Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. 

Many of Spring Sight's posts can also be found each week on Crystal Storms' #IntentionalTuesday,  Kelly Balarie's #RaRaLinkUp, Holly Barrett's Testimony Tuesday, Arabah Joy's Grace & Truth, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart, and Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday. This week, I am also linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee and Dawn at Journeys in Grace, as well as with Lori Schumaker.

Subscribe to Spring Sight

Returning to Laughter

“So those who went off with heavy hearts will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing.” – Psalm 126:6

It’s been two years since I began this blog. Two years since my father died. Two years since I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (RA). Two years of many tears.

Two years ago, all I could see was pain. Emotional. Physical. Even spiritual, as I shook my fist at God and questioned “Why?” and “Why now?”

Being diagnosed with a chronic, progressive, incurable illness like RA has a way of derailing us emotionally. There we are, headed down the path of life, full of dreams of where we want to go, and suddenly, it all comes to a screeching halt.

I imagine it might be a little like being diagnosed with cancer. There’s something surreal about being told you have a disease that literally has the power to take your life (and yes, RA is more than just joint pain – it can, in fact, be deadly).

Unlike with cancer, however, where the biggest question is often “Can I beat this?” the question for people with autoimmune disorders – RA, lupus, multiple sclerosis, ulcerative colitis, psoriasis and more – is “Can I live with this?” There is no beating it. Even if they go into remission for a time, these are diseases you are stuck with for the rest of your life.

Grieving a diagnosis like this is much like grieving any other loss, though. There are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression … and eventually, acceptance. The key to living with chronic illness is not getting stuck in the first four.

When Saying Yes Means Saying No

"Love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 19:19

“Come on, it will be fun!” she said. “We can drive up together!”

The invitation was tempting. I had already stepped out of my comfort zone, committing to a retreat that was still a couple of months away, all the while knowing that during this season of the year I am prone to chronic migraines. Nevertheless, I wanted to get to know a few of the women in my support group better, and it sounded like a fun way to do it.

The problem now, however, was that my new friend wanted to take it a step further. She wanted me to drive together to the retreat, almost two hours away, in one car. To many people, that – three or four women on a road trip together – would sound like a blast. But to me, it was terrifying.

How does one explain to someone what it’s like to live with the unpredictability of chronic illness? Even more so, living with multiple chronic illnesses? While some people will say “you don’t have to explain yourself,” I felt bad. I didn’t want to appear like I was rejecting my friend, or her offer. But I had been there before.

Finding Perfection in the Imperfect

How can a mere mortal presume to stand up to God?  How can an ordinary person pretend to be guiltless? Why, even the moon has its flaws, even the stars aren’t perfect in God’s eyes – Job 25:4-5

Two years ago, when I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, I would never have imagined myself saying the words that came out of my mouth last weekend.

“I am already living my dream, every day!”

I was standing in front of a table at a Christian writers conference, where an author and consultant was doing a prize drawing. All I had to do in order to enter was to write down my “big dream” on the paper covering the table.

I explained that I would have to think on it. As we chatted, I mentioned that I had several chronic illnesses, including RA. The consultant immediately jumped on it.

“Well, I’m sure that’s probably your big dream – to be healed!”

Even to my own surprise, I found myself replying, “Actually, no. That isn’t.”

If you’re a spoonie (someone who suffers from a chronic illness) like me, you’re probably sitting there with a look of disbelief on your face, as you read what I just wrote.

What Doesn't Kill Me Makes Me Stronger

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

I looked around me at the women in the pool, watching as their gray-haired heads bobbed up and down to the beat of the loud music. Their wrinkled, sagging skin told me they had at least 10 or 20 years on me, and yet I was the one struggling to keep up.

When we finally got to the end of class, I commented to one lady, “Wow, this water aerobics isn’t for sissies, is it?” She just shrugged and smiled. She was there every day. To her, it was no biggie. To me, this was more than a struggle. It was a matter of life and death.

Finding Hidden Treasures (aka Arthritis in your Armpits!)

“I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” – Isaiah 45:3

A few years ago, while on a camping trip with my daughter, I learned a new game called geocaching. Similar to a scavenger hunt, you use a global positioning system (GPS) to find a hidden “cache” of treasure. The difference between the two games, however, is that with geocaching, you don’t know exactly what you’re looking for. All you know is that it will be in a container of some kind, and that it will be located at certain coordinates on the GPS. The treasure itself is a surprise.

I have noticed, in my journey with God, that life can sometimes be like geocaching. We are looking for something – our purpose, a new direction, or perhaps a specific answer to prayer – but we aren’t sure exactly what we will find.

When Tears Begin to Flow

"Jesus wept." - John 11:35

Mothers know what tears are for.

“Whaaaaaa!!!”

That very first cry, in the moments just after a child has been born, says it all.

He’s been pushed out of his comfort zone, out from where it was warm and safe, into an environment he doesn’t recognize. As his lungs fill with air for the very first time, his eyes open to a bright new world, and his body shivers from the cold he’s never felt before. He has struggled to get here, and yet now … now, he’s not sure why.

“Whaaaaaa!!!”

His cry rings out to signal his distress. His fear. His confusion.

Moments later, he finds loving arms to hold him.

“There, there, it’s OK.” 

The words sound soothing. The arms feel secure.

It is OK. Love is here.

Mothers know that tears don’t always mean sadness.

Sometimes they’re from joy.

Sometimes they’re from pain.

Sometimes, they are from just being so tired, so overwhelmed, that you just feel you can’t go on. Or maybe you can go on, but you just need to rest. You need to vent. You need to grieve. Or you just need to breathe…

Tears say “I need.”

From the moment we are born, we need.

We need food. We need clothing and shelter. We need comfort and care when we are hurt.

Above all, we need love.

I was reading another blogger’s post today, in which she shared about the pain and medical procedures she was having to endure as a result of her rheumatoid arthritis (RA) and a rare bone disease. She wrote about an encounter she had with a nurse who asked how she was doing.

"The tears had begun to flow and we just sat there in silence. She understood."

My friend had reached a moment at the hospital where she just couldn’t express what she was feeling in words anymore. She needed to cry. She needed to express the pain, the fear, the grief … all of it. And she needed love and understanding. But there were no words to express all the need that was bottled up inside her. And so, she wept.

As a Christian, it’s easy to talk about “the joy of the Lord” and expect to feel the “peace that passes understanding” even during hard times. And make no mistake, I do my part to try and stay in that joy and peace. I pray. I study my Bible. I meditate on God’s promises. I worship. I fellowship with other believers. All of that helps.

But sometimes…

The tears fall.

A few weeks ago, my mother went into the hospital with pneumonia and within a few days, was put on life support as a last-ditch attempt to save her life.

When they put her on the ventilator, I wept tears filled with sorrow.

When they told me they had removed the breathing tube and she was able to breathe on her own again, I wept tears of joy.

Next week, she will undergo major surgery for a different problem. It is high risk because of her underlying medical conditions.  I know that and so does she. When I wish her well, as they take her off to the operating room, I already know that - no matter how strong my faith - all the love I feel for my mother, the joyful memories of the happy times we have spent together, the hopes and dreams for all I still want to share with her, and the fear of losing her, will well up inside me ... Once again, I will weep.

I am not ashamed of my tears.

Even Jesus wept. He wept when He saw his friend Lazarus, dead. He wept when his other friend, Judas, betrayed Him. He wept when He saw what was to come on the cross. It didn’t matter that He knew the ultimate ending, His glorious resurrection.

When life – and the prospect of death – was overwhelming, Jesus wept. 

Jesus isn’t a weakling. He is strong enough to conquer temptation, sin and death! And yet, here on earth, dressed in mortal flesh, even Jesus needed a good cry sometimes.

When His flesh cried out, “I hurt!” Jesus needed to let out His human emotions and pain, in order to let in the love of the Father and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Jesus’ tears meant the same as ours. His tears said, “I need…” 

Just as Jesus needed the love of the Father and the power of the Holy Spirit to give Him the strength to overcome what He faced - to take him from suffering and death to life again – so we need God to carry us through our trials and our tears.

On any given day, my tears may mean many things. When I’ve been pushed out of my comfort zone, in unfamiliar territory, and I’m scared. I’m confused. I’m overjoyed with happiness. I’m overcome with grief. I’m hungry, angry, lonely or tired. I’m stressed and overwhelmed. When I need comfort, I need shelter, I need rest.

In the end, when I let it all out – when the tears fall from my eyes with an outpouring of unspoken emotion – I will let in the Holy Spirit and find strength again. Whatever I’m going through won’t last forever. This too shall pass. I will fall into God’s loving arms and feel His warm embrace, as He helps me to my feet again.

There, there, it’s OK. Love is here.

When Tears Begin to Flow originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins. Click here for more posts. Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. 

Many of Spring Sight's posts can also be found each week on Crystal Storms' #IntentionalTuesday,  Kelly Balarie's #RaRaLinkUp, Holly Barrett's Testimony Tuesday, Arabah Joy's Grace & Truth, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart,  and Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday. This week, I am also linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee. 

Subscribe to Spring Sight

We will never share your information with third parties.

I’m Not the Same as I Was, or Will Be

"You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail." - Proverbs 19:21

This is the second article on rheumatoid disease (RD/RA/rheumatoid arthritis) written for Rheumatoid Awareness Day. It is centered on RD Fact #3: Rheumatoid disease manifests itself differently in each person and even in the same person over time.

As anyone with chronic illness will tell you, comparison is not a game you want to play.

I looked around the rheumatologist’s waiting room at the patients around me, sizing up the different situations and noting my reactions.

Young woman with a walker. How sad. I wonder if she had juvenile arthritis or if her disease is just that aggressive?

Middle-aged man with a cane. Hmmm…I wonder what his story is. Knee or hip?

Attractive lady in a wheelchair. Wow. She’s not that young, but not very old, either. Too young to be disabled, for sure.

Suited up business man. He looks just fine to me. Is he really a patient or is he a pharmaceutical rep? 

The fact is, with an illness like rheumatoid disease, we never know what the real story is with others. Looks can be deceiving. 

Even in my own life, I can look at my Facebook page and if you only looked at my photos, you would never know I had a chronic, disabling disease. They show my life’s joys, its triumphs, not the pain I may be experiencing that very same day.


Take my favorite wedding day photo, for example. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Health Central featured my RA story on its front page and used the picture I had sent them of me and my husband with our kayak paddles. There I am, smiling away, looking like I don’t have a care in the world! 

If you take the time to read my story, though, you’ll find that it wasn’t quite the fairytale it looks. The joints in my hands were so swollen that my husband almost couldn’t get the ring on my finger during the wedding ceremony! For days before and after, my feet hurt too bad to walk across the hardwood floor of my bedroom without slippers. And the fatigue was getting severe too, and cut our activities short on our weekend “mini-moon” trip just a short time after our wedding.

That was my life before diagnosis. It got worse before it got better, but once I finally agreed to treatment with a DMARD (disease modifying anti-rheumatic drug), life became good again. If you listen to the audio portion of my story, you’ll hear how I was thrilled to not get sick from the drugs (yay for success with Plaquenil!) and how I felt “great” after a few months of treatment and physical therapy for both my shoulder and knee. 

I can talk about my great trip to Canada last summer, which was indeed made possible by the successful treatment of my rheumatoid disease. I can even show you pictures of me hiking and kayaking! I was never so happy to be able to take that vacation with my husband. But did I mention the ice therapy on my knee every night and the pulley I brought with me to keep my shoulder recovery going? That I am still having issues with my shoulders (mostly the other one now) and that knee? And that my big toe joint hurt so bad on Christmas Day that my husband had to do 100% of the dinner cleanup because I couldn’t stand any longer and was downing anti-inflammatories and soaking my foot in Epsom salts?

I am always going to consider my current life (as it is today) “great” as compared to my life with untreated rheumatoid arthritis. Even with my occasional flares of fatigue and painful joints, there really is no comparison. I’m also grateful that my current state of disease activity is mild compared to that of some other people. But RA is a progressive disease and there is no cure. It’s not uncommon for a medication to work for a little while and then just stop working. The immune system is complicated. There is no such thing as a straight line of recovery when it comes to autoimmune diseases like RA. You take nothing for granted. Every day is different.


I don’t know what my life will look like in the future. I hope it is as good as it is today. Who knows, perhaps medical research will find a cure and I will find remission. But even if that never happens, or I get worse, I know I can trust that I am held in the palm of the One who will never let me go. I can trust that God is good and so are His plans for me. I can find joy, even on the painful days, if I look hard enough for it. I won’t assume my life is better or worse than others, remembering that looks can be deceiving. In that, I can find gratitude and peace. 

I am not the same as I was, nor will I be the same tomorrow. Just for today, I will be OK.

If you have a chronic illness, how much do you compare your situation to that of others? Do you linger in the past or fear the future, or can you rest in the present?

I'm Not the Same as I Was, or Will Be originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins. Click here for more posts. Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. 

Many of Spring Sight's posts can also be found each week on Grace Esedeke's EncourageMe Monday, Crystal Storms' #IntentionalTuesday,  Kelly Balarie's #RaRaLinkUp, Holly Barrett's Testimony Tuesday, Arabah Joy's Grace & Truth, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart,  and Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday.

Subscribe to Spring Sight

We will never share your information with third parties.

How Bad Is It Really? Perception vs Realty

The Real RD Fact #5: Rheumatoid disease is often an invisible illness.

This is the first article on rheumatoid disease (RD/RA/rheumatoid arthritis) written for Rheumatoid Awareness Day. It is centered on RD Fact #5: Rheumatoid disease is often an invisible illness.

The words from the company CEO cut into me like a knife. “I’m sorry, but the truth is that perception is reality,” he said.

It wasn’t the first time I had heard that, and it wasn’t the last. But it didn’t hurt any less. The truth didn’t matter. I was being judged by outward appearances, not by what was really going on. And even a valid explanation wasn’t going to do. To him, perception was all that mattered. Everything else – my feelings, or even the facts – was irrelevant.

If you’ve ever been misjudged, you know how much it hurts. It hurts when you’re misjudged by strangers, and it is even more painful when it is by family or friends. “Don’t they know me better than that?” you find yourself saying. And yet, seemingly, they don’t.

Unfortunately, being judged or misjudged is a frequent occurrence in the life of those with rheumatoid disease. It comes with the territory of having an “invisible illness,” one with few outward symptoms.

I find myself battling the “perception vs reality” war often. On-the-water selfies have become a tradition for me and my kayaking husband, as they serve to document our paddling travels. Likewise, my tween daughter and I love to play “silly face” with the camera, frequently posting our antics on social media for our friends to see and to preserve our fun memories when they pop up later in our Facebook feeds.

The only problem with this is that with every picture of fun that is posted, the perception becomes that I’m never suffering with my rheumatoid disease. But why would I post all about the pain? The last thing I want to be is a public whiner, and I really do try and keep a positive outlook. Even my sunny posts designed to encourage others often do double duty, encouraging me when I need a lift.

Then there is the “fake it till you make it” scenario. That was me this morning. Dead tired, with a knee that had throbbed all day yesterday, I dressed up in business attire for a meeting. I was greeted with “Oh, you’re looking great!” by several people. I smiled, thanked them, and tried my best to stay focused on the issue at hand, when inside I was wishing I had been able to rest at home a little longer and wear my comfortable sweats and tennies.

*Sigh* Perception vs reality at work again. I knew that my appearance would make an impression, and I couldn’t afford to be judged a slob. Despite how I felt when I woke up this morning, or how I feel any other day, I am determined not to give into my disease. So I suit up and show up. Day in, day out.

Of course, the issue with keeping your pain from others on a regular basis is that there will in fact be times you can’t fake it and you can’t make it. When you’re too tired to work and you have to take a nap. When your feet hurt too bad to stand and do the dishes. When you have to wear the comfy (frumpy) clothes because your hands can’t manage buttons and zippers. When you (literally) can’t move off the couch or kneel at your child’s bedside to tell them that story you promised.

It is in those honest moments - when we are too overcome with pain or fatigue - that we are at our most vulnerable. To those around us, we may seem lazy. Slobby. Slouchy. Pathetic even. Because we were “just fine yesterday” we are perceived as whiners today. The reality, however, could not be further from the truth.

Ask anyone with rheumatoid disease, and we want to do more. We grieve the loss of our time with others. We guilt ourselves too, over not being all that we would like to be as employees, as parents, as spouses, as friends, even as adult children who would like to do more for our aging parents. We want to be more too. More active. More fun. More healthy. More … of all we used to be, before our autoimmune disease lay claim to our lives.

The truth of an invisible illness like rheumatoid arthritis is that perception clearly does not equal reality. The question is what will you do about it? Having an invisible illness gives me a choice of whether to stay steeped in my own pain, or whether to live as a fraud.  For me, it is about balance. I will find joy where I can, celebrate the tiny moments of pleasure, endure the pain, and be honest about who I am. RD affects me every day. There is no escaping that. But it does not define me. And for that, I am grateful.

If you have an invisible illness like rheumatoid disease, how do you balance perception versus reality? If you aren’t chronically ill, how do you perceive those who are? How much of a challenge is it to accept that their reality may be different – and more painful - than the positive image they are projecting?

How Bad Is It Really? Perception vs Reality originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins. Click here for more posts. Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. 

Many of Spring Sight's posts can also be found each week on Grace Esedeke's EncourageMe Monday, Crystal Storms' #IntentionalTuesday,  Kelly Balarie's #RaRaLinkUp, Holly Barrett's Testimony Tuesday, Arabah Joy's Grace & Truth, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart,  and Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday.

Subscribe to Spring Sight

We will never share your information with third parties.