Releasing the Ghosts of the Past

“No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” Philippians 3:13 (NLT)

I hadn’t looked at my high school yearbooks in years. There was no need. That was then. This is now. I had moved on. Or so I thought.

As I reached up into the living room cabinet and took one down, I could feel the memories flooding back. Opening the cover, I could hear the spine crackling, as if the book was an ancient artifact, fragile from years of storage.

I felt a sense of dread come over me. Sure, there were some good times back then, but buried in that book were memories that haunted me right down to the core of my soul. These were not just a few bad moments. These were the kinds of ghosts that I had spent years trying to exorcise from my mind, the kinds that would keep me locked up in a prison of guilt and shame, remorse and regret.

Dreams and Reality - Bridging the Great Divide

“That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being revived every day.” – 2 Corinthians 4:16

I looked intently at the woman in the picture. Perhaps the photo was airbrushed, I thought. Or maybe the camera flash makes it invisible to the naked eye. But I could swear that the person I was looking at didn’t have an ounce of sweat on her, pretty remarkable for a 92-year-old who had just run a marathon. Pretty inspirational too, considering not only her age, but that she was a cancer survivor who had also recently lost her husband. Wow. She certainly deserved all the accolades she was receiving in the press.

If I am really honest, though, I have to admit that my reactions to stories come with a mixed bag of emotions. Yes, there is the warrior side of me that cries out, “Well, if SHE can do THAT, then I can certainly do what I want to do!” The courageous, determined inner me lines up with the famous Nike slogan Just do it, and I momentarily I believe I can, in fact, do anything! In my mind’s eye, I envision myself hiking across the Peruvian landscape to the top of Machu Picchu, high in the Andes Mountains. Next, I’m seeing myself white water rafting and kayaking the famous Snake River in Idaho. Oh, the exhilaration! Yes, with that extra bit of inspiration provided by someone else’s remarkable achievement, I’m ready to take on the world!

For a moment.

The problem comes after that first moment. It’s when reality sets in. Oftentimes, there is a gulf between what my mind wants to do and what my body is able to do. While I still have all the same dreams I had in my 20’s, and I certainly am willing to work hard at making many of them come true, I have to wrestle with the fact that a 50-year-old body with an autoimmune disease may not be able to keep up with all of those youthful fantasies created during a much fitter time of my life.

I know I am not the only one facing this situation. Age and experience takes its toll on everyone. A world-class athlete is faced with adjusting his dreams after a diving accident renders him paralyzed. A ballerina’s arthritis makes it too painful to dance, much less landing the starring role. A recovering alcoholic wonders how to rekindle the romance in her marriage now that the days of “red wine and candlelight” are over.

So how do we bridge the divide?

God’s word doesn’t pull any punches. Every day, we are one day closer to death. Our bodies age and there is not a thing we can do about it. Yes, we may be able to delay the effects a bit, with healthy habits, or perhaps we can try to cover them up with makeup or plastic surgery. God says there is an upside, however.

Today’s verse in 2 Corinthians that reminds us that while our bodies may not be what they used to, our spirits are being revived every day. And tied to that verse is the admonition to never give up! 

I had shoulder surgery recently and honestly wondered if I would ever be able to use my right arm again in the same way I used to. The pain of recovery and physical therapy was excruciating and my range of motion was extremely limited. Yet, every day, I would do the exercises with that far-off dream of being able to kayak again. Scripture-based Christian songs kept my spirits up, encouraging me to “press on” and reminding me that I was an “overcomer.” Progress was slow, sometimes just detectible in centimeters. But one day at a time, I grew stronger and more capable…and finally did it! The joy of being in a kayak again, four months to the day from my surgery, was immeasurable. It wasn’t the same level of kayaking I did before – my husband and I decided that going “tandem” on a calm lake, for just 45 minutes, was the best I could do for now – but just being in the boat with a paddle in my hands felt wonderful. The thrill of that small moment in time made the slow-going, painful process all worth it.

So it is with any of our goals. They seem far off and unreachable at times. Perhaps we have to modify them a bit or scale them down, and be content in celebrating just small victories. For me, that may be a short paddle on a lake. For someone else, it might be crossing the room without a walker. For another, it might be taking that first step to fight an addiction. For you, it may be something different altogether.

No matter how small or lofty our dreams are, in the midst of our pursuit, God is our ultimate cheerleader.

No matter how small or lofty our dreams are, in the midst of our pursuit, God is our ultimate cheerleader. That doesn’t mean He is going to grant us every wish. He sees the big picture and knows how to work everything for good, even when we don’t see it. But He has promised this: When we [first] delight in Him, [then] He will give us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4). As we spend time with Him, He becomes our delight and plants new desires for us to pursue, right where we are at. And step by step, as we commit our way to Him, He charts out a path that leads to life abundant. Each day, He is there to revive our spirits and to give us the strength to go on, and out of that perseverance comes peace, patience and ultimately joy.

What are your dreams today, and how have they been affected by your present reality? Have you taken them to God? How has spending time with Him changed your dreams and how you pursue them?

Dreams and Reality - Bridging the Great Divide originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins.  Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

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Midlife: Crisis or Opportunity?

“There is a time for everything, and everything on earth has its special season.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1

Midlife. It’s pretty much what it’s cracked up to be. Lines and wrinkles? Ugh! Gray hair? Quick, get the Clairol! And those hips and midriff? Uh, yeah, let’s not even go there.

I would love to say I feel great about all of these bodily changes, but alas, I cannot. I am like most people, who, when their bodies are slowing down and changing (usually not for the better), their minds are screaming, “Noooooo!” Yes, it’s true. My body may be saying it’s getting older, but my mind says I should still be able to do anything I want and look just as good as I did in my 20’s. It’s too bad my mind isn’t exactly on target, but I’m not beyond doing a lot to try and prove it wrong.

Every one of us, at some point in our midlife “journey,” comes to a moment when we wake up and wonder “What happened?” Perhaps it’s the day you went into the doctor for your regular checkup, and walked out stunned that you have a life-changing, possibly deadly, illness. Or the moment you discovered your spouse’s affair or were served the divorce papers. Maybe it was when you lost your job because there were younger people - who would work for lower wages - in line for it, and now you’re unemployed for the sole reason of being “overqualified.” Or maybe, just maybe, your life isn’t that bad at all, but the thrill is gone and you’re left wondering “Is this as good as it gets?”

The question is not whether you’ll ever have that moment (you will), but rather “What comes next?” You have a choice: fight reality and view it as a “crisis,” or embrace it and see it as an opportunity.

Many of us fall into the trap of the “midlife crisis,” trying desperately to recapture our fleeting youth. It manifests itself in different ways, from flashy sports car purchases to plastic surgery, to everything in between. Some self-medicate their feelings of insecurity with extramarital affairs, while others succumb to substance abuse or other addictions. And while these measures might make us feel better in the short-term, a self-imposed fantasy world can’t go on forever, and the crash back to reality can sometimes hit harder than if we had dealt squarely with it from the very beginning.

Contrary to today’s popular culture, which has discarded the notion of “aging gracefully” and replaced it with the idea of “fighting it, kicking and screaming,” the Bible says, “Gray hair is a crown of splendor, attained in the way of righteousness.” (Proverbs 16:1). Rather than seeing our age, and accompanying physical signs of it, as a curse, God tells us that it is a reward for a well-lived life. 

So how do we deal with midlife, then? Am I suggesting we shouldn’t try and look and feel our best? Absolutely not! The Bible is clear that we are to care for our bodies, even to the point of considering them a “temple” for the Holy Spirit that lives within us. It is also clear, however, that true beauty and honor shines from the inside out. It comes from loving God and serving others, and making holy and responsible choices that would honor our Creator. Proverbs 31:30 speaks specifically about this with its admonition, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

Back in the 1960’s, The Byrds recorded a song Turn! Turn! Turn! that ended up popularizing a Bible verse from Ecclesiastes. It echoed the words of King Solomon, who wrote, “There is a time for everything, and everything on earth has its special season.” Later, in the 1970’s, Fleetwood Mac’s song Don’t Stop reminded us to focus on tomorrow, because “yesterday’s gone.” Those lyrics are exactly what we need in order to get through any turning point in our life, including this transition from young to old that we call “middle age.” Just as a mountain climber on a steep slope is advised not to look down, but rather to focus on the climb itself and the goal of the summit, so we weather life’s changes best by realizing that life is made up of different seasons. We can only find satisfaction when we stop looking “in the rearview mirror” of our past, and instead focus on where we are and the opportunities that lie ahead.

Make no mistake, letting go of the past is never easy. Sometimes I miss the wild and crazy times of my 20’s and all the traveling I did in my 30’s, but I traded it in for a different, yet equally wonderful season as a mother. I cried every day for two years after my divorce, but eventually I accepted my new life and grew strong as a single working mom. Moving past my father’s death and dealing with some difficult medical situations have also not been easy, but I have found joy in the midst of pain. With every life change, I’ve had to grieve the past and embrace the present, often having to do some careful self-reflection along the way, taking a second look at my attitudes and behaviors, my career and even my friendships. The life I lived in seasons past is not the same life I live today, and so I must choose differently now.

At middle age, I am not where I thought I would be, but I’m right where I want to be. I may grimace when I see those pesky gray hairs and fine lines in the mirror, but then I remember – I’m standing here today and that in itself is a blessing! I may cry during the storms of life in this season of many changes, but then I look up – and see a rainbow of hope. By now I know that no matter what I face, God is with me in every season of life. I can stay in the present and embrace who I am and where I’m at. As the saying goes, “Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is a wish … today (middle-aged or not) is a gift!”

If you are middle aged or older, do you view your physical signs of aging as a hardship or can you accept (and even appreciate) them as a “crown of splendor”?  Are you holding onto the past or embracing the present? What does this season of your life look like today? How can you make the most of it?

Midlife: Crisis or Opportunity? originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins.  Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

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