13 Reasons Why {Not}

"So don’t worry, because I am with you. Don’t be afraid, because I am your God. I will make you strong and will help you. I will support you with my right hand that saves you." - Isaiah 41:10

It was an ordinary Friday night. We had just gone to dinner as a family and were settling down in front of the TV, talking about what to watch.

"You should watch 13 Reasons Why, Mom," my daughter said. "It's really good!"

Curious about the show she had mentioned once before, I looked online to see if there was more information on it before making a decision. Why yes, there was. A whole lot of positive reviews for its direction and creativity, and a whole lot of talk from parents and psychologists expressing concern over the graphic content and messaging that was making suicide hotlines light up like Christmas trees.

If you don't have a tween or teen, you might not have heard of the latest show on Netflix, which is based on a novel in which a teenage girl commits suicide. The "13 reasons why" refer to 13 messages she left for individuals whose actions played a part in her decision to take her life.

I will be the first to tell you I haven't seen the show and I don't plan to. I will also say that the same night I learned about it, I took steps to adjust the parental controls on my TV and my daughter's cell phone.

There are some who think we as parents should watch the show "to understand what our teens face" in today's world. By all means, if you grew up in an untarnished, sheltered environment, perhaps this is the eye opener you need. Drinking, drugs, bullying and date rape...it's all there, graphically depicted (apparently).

But as for me, I haven't always lived in the light. I have touched that darkness - the despair, the depression, the shame, the hopelessness - and was almost swallowed up by it. I'm not going back. And I'm certainly not taking my 12-year-old back with me.

When I began writing this blog almost three years ago, it was to give people hope. Living with chronic illness is not easy. Depression is common, and suicide is not unheard of. When the pain feels like it will never end, when your life feels over, it is easy to give up. There are those who do. But I'm here to tell you - DON'T. 

I spent the first few months of this year in daily, intense pain from chronic migraines. If you have ever had a true migraine, you will know what I mean when I say it's not just a headache. At one point, during a trip to New York, I rocked back and forth on the bed, holding my head, crying and screaming, "Please help me. Somebody, help me!" Not long afterwards, I went into the bathroom and threw up, before crawling back into bed and finally passing out from the pain.

If ever there was a degree of physical pain that made me feel like giving up, it has been during episodes of severe migraine. I have literally felt like dying at times, because I thought I couldn't handle the pain even one more minute.

And yet, here I am.

Thankfully, God designed our bodies not to remember physical pain. I can tell you what happened, and generally how I felt, but I can't re-live the pain itself. Unfortunately, that isn't the case with emotional scars. Those wounds can sometimes take a lifetime to heal, and when they are reopened, they can hurt just as much as when the initial pain was inflicted.

When I am hurting physically, I may feel like dying, but when the pain goes away, life looks sunny again. It's easy to then see that "this too shall pass" because it really does. Even with chronic illness, there are moments when the pain dissipates enough to find moments of joy. It's important to look for those, because it helps you endure the rest of the time. Looking at my photos from New York, no one would ever know I had spent half the trip in pain, because the rest of the time, I was all smiles! Yes, there were a few of those pics where I was in "fake it 'til you make it" mode, but for the most part, I managed to salvage some really great moments that far outweighed the nightmare migraines I endured.

We have to be careful with emotional pain, though. I don't know who coined the phrase "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me," because that's just not true. Harsh words, coming from friends or family members, cut deep. We begin to believe what we hear, and wonder if we really are OK...or not. 

Our mistakes can hurt too. When I look back at my teen years and even into my 20's, it's easy to beat myself up over the many poor decisions I made. I may have changed my ways, but the consequences of those decisions didn't just disappear. There are so many times I have wished I could go back and have a "redo."

And sexual violence and abuse...well, that pain cut to the very core of who I was, and it took years of therapy for the flashbacks and nightmares to stop. I can still remember hands holding me down, then the hand placed over my mouth as I cried out in pain, ordered to "shut up!" because someone might hear; and the sting of my tears when it hit me that I was not a virgin anymore.

Night after night, for many years, I cried out to the Lord, "Why God, why?" I certainly could have come up with 13 good reasons to take my life. And yet, I did not. Growing up in the church, I was told suicide was the one unforgivable sin, because how can you confess killing yourself when you are already dead? I'm not sure that God in His infinite mercy wouldn't have forgiven me, but I do know that was not the only thing that kept me alive. 

The words spoken by God in Isaiah 41:10 are powerful. Don’t be afraid, because I am your God. I will make you strong and will help you. I will support you with my right hand that saves you. Every moment of every day in which I have been in either physical or emotional pain, I have had to remember them. God will help me. God is with me. God will save me.

Despite my health situation, despite my poor choices, despite whatever bad things I have believed about myself, and despite the physical and psychological trauma I have experienced, I have held on to those promises: God will help me. God is with me. God will save me.

And you know what? He has.

Jeremiah 29:11 says that God has a plan for us...a good one! The only way to find out about that plan, though, is to live it out. We have to wade through the mud, fight the battles, and allow God to cut away entanglements that hold us back, in order to reach the promised land He has for us. Sometimes it isn't easy. Sometimes, we aren't sure we are going to make it, or whether it's worth it. But it is. It always is. How do we know? Because He says so.

Back in my younger days, surrounded by darkness and not seeing much light ahead of me, I could have found 13 reasons why my life wasn't worth living. Today, looking back in hindsight, I can find 13 reasons - and more - that God wanted me to hold on for. 

If I were able to talk to my teenage self and tell her the 13 reasons why not to take her own life, here are what they would be:

1. God has a plan for you - a good one - and you will get to hold His hand through your entire journey, finding more comfort and joy, peace and love than you ever thought possible.

2. You may not realize it, but you're not alone. A lot of people look perfect on the outside, but their life is messy too. Even Jesus suffered through gossip, betrayal, pain and loss. He gets what you're going through.

3. You think if you were only "good enough" those people will like you. The truth is, some people won't like you even if you're the most wonderful person in the world. That's more about them than it is about you.

4. You think your pain is never going to end, but I promise it will. One day, you'll graduate. One day, you'll move (or they will). One day, you'll meet people who like you just the way you are. One day, your broken heart will heal. One day, you won't just notice the rain. You'll see the sunshine and notice the flowers too.

5. Your parents aren't perfect. Neither are you. Do the best you can to deal with them, the same way they are doing the best they can to deal with you. That whole parenting thing is as hard for them as it feels to you.

6. Everyone makes mistakes. Lots of them. Learn from them, but forgive yourself too. God loves you, warts and all, and the Bible is full of people who have screwed up but God used them anyway! Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will eventually get where you need to be.

7. You may feel powerless, but God is all powerful. Give your biggest problems to Him, do the next right thing, and leave the results to Him.

8. That rape or physical abuse? No, it's not your fault and don't let anyone say otherwise. You didn't ask for it and you didn't deserve it. Stop blaming yourself and get some help instead.

9. Just because "everybody's doing it" doesn't mean you need to. There are many miserable people in the world, doing things they know aren't right. Don't become one, just to fit in. Live your values and you'll keep your confidence.

10. There isn't any problem that an alcoholic drink or drug (or act of self-harm) won't make worse. And even if you feel better momentarily, there will be a hefty price to pay the next day or even further down the road. Reach out for help instead.

11. When God feels far away, remember who's moved. He is always there for you. Don't forget to reach up.

12. Don't be a victim of "stinking thinking." Fill your mind with positive thoughts and surround yourself with positive people. You have to look beyond your problems to find the solutions.

13. Life is like a rose: it is full of petals and thorns. Yes, sometimes it's painful, but there's an awful lot of beauty there too. Count your blessings every day. A little gratitude can go a long way.

Had I not chosen to live through the pain of my early years, I hate to think what I would have missed later on: quiet sunrises, gorgeous sunsets, warm embraces, wildflowers in the spring, happy smiles and travel across the miles. Every day, there is something new to look forward to.

The world is tough and pain is real. Just don't forget whose you are, and who's got your back! God will help you. God is with you. God will save you...every time.

Peace, joy and love to you today,

Linda

13 Reasons Why {Not} originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins. Click here for more posts. Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook and Twitter. 

Many of Spring Sight's posts can also be found each week on Crystal Storms' Thoughtful Thursday,  Kelly Balarie's #RaRaLinkUp, Holly Barrett's Testimony Tuesday, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart, and Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday. I also link up often with Jennifer Dukes Lee and Dawn at Journeys in Grace, as well as with Lori Schumaker.

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When Saying Yes Means Saying No

"Love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 19:19

“Come on, it will be fun!” she said. “We can drive up together!”

The invitation was tempting. I had already stepped out of my comfort zone, committing to a retreat that was still a couple of months away, all the while knowing that during this season of the year I am prone to chronic migraines. Nevertheless, I wanted to get to know a few of the women in my support group better, and it sounded like a fun way to do it.

The problem now, however, was that my new friend wanted to take it a step further. She wanted me to drive together to the retreat, almost two hours away, in one car. To many people, that – three or four women on a road trip together – would sound like a blast. But to me, it was terrifying.

How does one explain to someone what it’s like to live with the unpredictability of chronic illness? Even more so, living with multiple chronic illnesses? While some people will say “you don’t have to explain yourself,” I felt bad. I didn’t want to appear like I was rejecting my friend, or her offer. But I had been there before.

What Doesn't Kill Me Makes Me Stronger

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

I looked around me at the women in the pool, watching as their gray-haired heads bobbed up and down to the beat of the loud music. Their wrinkled, sagging skin told me they had at least 10 or 20 years on me, and yet I was the one struggling to keep up.

When we finally got to the end of class, I commented to one lady, “Wow, this water aerobics isn’t for sissies, is it?” She just shrugged and smiled. She was there every day. To her, it was no biggie. To me, this was more than a struggle. It was a matter of life and death.

When Tears Begin to Flow

"Jesus wept." - John 11:35

Mothers know what tears are for.

“Whaaaaaa!!!”

That very first cry, in the moments just after a child has been born, says it all.

He’s been pushed out of his comfort zone, out from where it was warm and safe, into an environment he doesn’t recognize. As his lungs fill with air for the very first time, his eyes open to a bright new world, and his body shivers from the cold he’s never felt before. He has struggled to get here, and yet now … now, he’s not sure why.

“Whaaaaaa!!!”

His cry rings out to signal his distress. His fear. His confusion.

Moments later, he finds loving arms to hold him.

“There, there, it’s OK.” 

The words sound soothing. The arms feel secure.

It is OK. Love is here.

Mothers know that tears don’t always mean sadness.

Sometimes they’re from joy.

Sometimes they’re from pain.

Sometimes, they are from just being so tired, so overwhelmed, that you just feel you can’t go on. Or maybe you can go on, but you just need to rest. You need to vent. You need to grieve. Or you just need to breathe…

Tears say “I need.”

From the moment we are born, we need.

We need food. We need clothing and shelter. We need comfort and care when we are hurt.

Above all, we need love.

I was reading another blogger’s post today, in which she shared about the pain and medical procedures she was having to endure as a result of her rheumatoid arthritis (RA) and a rare bone disease. She wrote about an encounter she had with a nurse who asked how she was doing.

"The tears had begun to flow and we just sat there in silence. She understood."

My friend had reached a moment at the hospital where she just couldn’t express what she was feeling in words anymore. She needed to cry. She needed to express the pain, the fear, the grief … all of it. And she needed love and understanding. But there were no words to express all the need that was bottled up inside her. And so, she wept.

As a Christian, it’s easy to talk about “the joy of the Lord” and expect to feel the “peace that passes understanding” even during hard times. And make no mistake, I do my part to try and stay in that joy and peace. I pray. I study my Bible. I meditate on God’s promises. I worship. I fellowship with other believers. All of that helps.

But sometimes…

The tears fall.

A few weeks ago, my mother went into the hospital with pneumonia and within a few days, was put on life support as a last-ditch attempt to save her life.

When they put her on the ventilator, I wept tears filled with sorrow.

When they told me they had removed the breathing tube and she was able to breathe on her own again, I wept tears of joy.

Next week, she will undergo major surgery for a different problem. It is high risk because of her underlying medical conditions.  I know that and so does she. When I wish her well, as they take her off to the operating room, I already know that - no matter how strong my faith - all the love I feel for my mother, the joyful memories of the happy times we have spent together, the hopes and dreams for all I still want to share with her, and the fear of losing her, will well up inside me ... Once again, I will weep.

I am not ashamed of my tears.

Even Jesus wept. He wept when He saw his friend Lazarus, dead. He wept when his other friend, Judas, betrayed Him. He wept when He saw what was to come on the cross. It didn’t matter that He knew the ultimate ending, His glorious resurrection.

When life – and the prospect of death – was overwhelming, Jesus wept. 

Jesus isn’t a weakling. He is strong enough to conquer temptation, sin and death! And yet, here on earth, dressed in mortal flesh, even Jesus needed a good cry sometimes.

When His flesh cried out, “I hurt!” Jesus needed to let out His human emotions and pain, in order to let in the love of the Father and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Jesus’ tears meant the same as ours. His tears said, “I need…” 

Just as Jesus needed the love of the Father and the power of the Holy Spirit to give Him the strength to overcome what He faced - to take him from suffering and death to life again – so we need God to carry us through our trials and our tears.

On any given day, my tears may mean many things. When I’ve been pushed out of my comfort zone, in unfamiliar territory, and I’m scared. I’m confused. I’m overjoyed with happiness. I’m overcome with grief. I’m hungry, angry, lonely or tired. I’m stressed and overwhelmed. When I need comfort, I need shelter, I need rest.

In the end, when I let it all out – when the tears fall from my eyes with an outpouring of unspoken emotion – I will let in the Holy Spirit and find strength again. Whatever I’m going through won’t last forever. This too shall pass. I will fall into God’s loving arms and feel His warm embrace, as He helps me to my feet again.

There, there, it’s OK. Love is here.

When Tears Begin to Flow originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins. Click here for more posts. Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. 

Many of Spring Sight's posts can also be found each week on Crystal Storms' #IntentionalTuesday,  Kelly Balarie's #RaRaLinkUp, Holly Barrett's Testimony Tuesday, Arabah Joy's Grace & Truth, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart,  and Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday. This week, I am also linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee. 

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Angry? What's At Stake

And "don't sin by letting anger control you." Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry. – Ephesians 4:26 (NLT)

Almost every day for the past two months, I’ve woken up with a headache. The intensity has ranged anywhere from mild - where I could press my fingers into my temple and back of my head to make it go away within about 10 minutes – to a full-blown migraine that kept me in agonizing pain for several hours, even with medication.

After a while, pain gets old. I feel myself getting grumpier. Irritable. Angry. I want to go back to the way things used to be, when I awoke pain-free and enjoyed the early morning hours. When my days began with a smile, rather than a wince.

In the same way chronic pain, exacerbated by rheumatoid arthritis “flares,” can grate on my nerves, so hardships of other kinds can trigger the same type of emotional flare-ups in all of us. Financial uncertainty. Broken relationships. Unemployment. Rising healthcare costs. Political change. Social injustice. Crime. Terror Attacks. War. These are just a few of the issues facing the world today that are creating not just fear, but anger.

We want to go back to the way things used to be, when we awoke care-free and looking forward to the day ahead. When we weren’t on edge, waiting for the next shoe to drop. When we weren’t so weary from what seems like an endless struggle.

There is no way to go backwards in time, however; only forward. Nor can we get around the issues we are facing; we must work through them.

God never tells us not to feel anger. He tells us to “be angry and yet do not sin.” What does that mean for us? How does anger lead to sin, and how do we avoid it? The answer lies in one tiny verse, found in Ephesians 4.

The New Living Translation of the Bible translates “be angry and yet do not sin” as “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” The key is in that one little word: control.

Every day, we have a choice. We can let our emotions control us, or we can be controlled by the Holy Spirit.

When I am controlled by anger, my attitudes and actions will be in direct conflict with those evident when my life is controlled by the Holy Spirit. Galatians 5 points out that a Spirit-controlled life results in good fruit such as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility, and self-control.

I don’t know about you, but when I am consumed by anger about anything, it is hard to find much joy or peace. My actions don’t end up being very loving, either. My grumpiness turns into impatience, and what comes out of my mouth isn’t usually very kind. While on a “good” day, I might be quite humble and self-controlled, when I am seething in anger, I am likely to lose my temper and lash out at others with a prideful spirit. After all, if everything went my way, then everything would be just fine, right?

Hmmm. There’s that original sin again. Pride. That larger-than-life attitude that not only separates me from others, but separates me from God Himself. If only He would … Stinking thinking that flies in the very face of acknowledging Jesus as Lord. Yes, that feeling of absolute defiance and rebellion against His will, as if we know better. Living in anger causes us to not only doubt God’s goodness, but it leads us to think our world would surely be a better place if we were just running the show. Like that has really worked for us so far.

Control. It’s the very thing we grasp for, and yet also the very thing that holds us back from everything we want. 

Letting go – and letting God – is the only answer.

Then there's the next part of the verse, "Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” What's that all about?

In Matthew 6:24, Jesus suggests that in dealing with troubled emotions such as anger or worry, we contain them to just one day at a time. “Do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.”

God knows we are going to have troubles in this world. He acknowledges it. And He knows our human nature is to get angry and worry. He also knows something we often forget: He is in control.

We do not have to worry or fret in order for things to work out. 

In fact, He makes it clear that worrying and being consumed by anger is a waste of our time and energy, distracting us from the very good He has called us to do.

“Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Jesus reasons, in Matthew 6:27.

I don’t have a spare hour in my day. If I did, I would want to spend it loving and laughing. Spending time with friends and family. Making the world a better place. Worrying will not give me that time. Staying in anger will take it away.

Are you willing to sacrifice love … joy … peace … on the altar of anger?

I’m not.

So today, I will do as Jesus says.

Today, I will believe that God cares.

I will accept the things I cannot change.

I will change the things I can.

I will pray for the wisdom to know the difference.

And I will tackle my life just one day ... one hour ... one precious moment ... at a time.

Are you carrying around a heavy load of anger and resentment today? Lay down your burden at Jesus’ feet. Believe that God cares for you and will meet your needs. Do not fear, for He will never leave nor forsake you! Let go and let God.

Angry? What's At Stake originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins. Click here for more posts. Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. 

Many of Spring Sight's posts can also be found each week on Crystal Storms' #IntentionalTuesday,  Kelly Balarie's #RaRaLinkUp,, Holly Barrett's Testimony Tuesday, Arabah Joy's Grace & Truth and Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday.

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Finding Shelter - God as My Refuge

"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.'"
- Psalm 91:1-2

It's happened two out of the last three years. Our fall getaway - a special tradition established at the very beginning of our relationship, designed to be a time to relax physically and reconnect emotionally - has been marred by pain.

Today, as we get ready to head to the little country cabin hideaway we picked out for this year's trip, I wonder ... will it happen again?

I'm trying to stay positive. The last few times, we had lots of extraneous events and stress leading up to the weekend, something I used as a reasonable explanation for my outrageous headaches, facial pain, and malaise. This year, we built in a buffer. My deadlines and parenting stress ended yesterday, and we're not leaving for a few hours. Yay! Relaxation mode is beginning to kick in.

Nevertheless, the fact remains that I've been in a roller coaster of RA flares for the past couple of months. Migraines. Neck pain. Sore hands and feet. A swollen knee. And of course, the never ending battle of fatigue.

Today, I was lucky. My headache dissipated on its own.

When I wake up tomorrow in that little cabin, will I cheerfully greet the day with a smile and be able to enjoy going out on the covered porch to take in all the beauty of the fall leaves and mist rising up from the lake? Or will I be desperately pressing my fingers into my temples and the back of my neck, as I lay in the dark, covers over my head, praying for relief to come before my head explodes into full-blown migraine mode?

I'm hoping for the first scenario, but prepared for the second. Armed with healthy foods, a small stock of pain meds, and a positive attitude, I know one thing for sure: something good will come out of this!

Last year, I spent most of my time in the cabin. But the time I spent out in my kayak ... those few, precious moments of soaking in God's creation and enjoying time with my "bestie" ... were the best moments of the year. It was then I realized that with chronic illness, there is no permanent reprieve. There is no set schedule. There is no assurance of things to come.

What there is assurance of, however, is that God is there in the midst of it all. What is a "shelter" but something to shield us from the storms of life? What is a "refuge" but a place to go when trouble is near? What is the value of "rest" if not for our tired, weary bodies and souls?

Whether I'm working through my daily life challenges or on "vacation," I have a choice: I can struggle, or I can rest. I can fight, or I can find refuge.

Instead of asking myself "Will this year be different?" I am choosing to ask "What will I do differently this year?"

Today, I am choosing serenity: to change the things I can and accept the things I cannot. I cannot predict what will be. But I can choose with Whom I will walk on the journey. And that One is my rest, my refuge, no matter what the days ahead hold.

Are you taking shelter in the shadow of the Most High God? Are you allowing Him to give you rest and refuge, even in the midst of pain? Remember, He will never leave you. Just take hold of His hand.

Finding Shelter - God as My Refuge originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins. Click here for more posts. Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. 

Many of Spring Sight's posts can also be found each week on Crystal Storms' #IntentionalTuesday,  Kelly Balarie's #RaRaLinkUp,, Holly Barrett's Testimony Tuesday, Arabah Joy's Grace & Truth and Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday.

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Managing Chronic Illness and What My Doctor Misses

“The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” – Aristotle

I may be a card-carrying AARP member (recently qualified, thank you!) but since “50 is the new 40,” I like to think of myself as pretty young, with many good years ahead of me. Unfortunately, my body doesn’t always agree with me. And when I’m running back and forth to doctor’s offices, with this and that wrong with me, I remind myself more of a retired elderly person than a working mother of an 11-year-old!

The problem with managing multiple chronic illnesses is that they often are running on parallel tracks. I think sometimes I should hold a conference so that my rheumatologist can confer with my dermatologist, who can then consult with my neurologist, and so forth and so on…oh yes, and so my primary care doctor would actually have a clue as to the total picture.

Those of you in my shoes know that’s not the way the world works, though, is it? We shuttle back and forth from our general practitioner to our various specialists and hope that somehow we can keep it all straight: The appointments. The blood tests. The scans. The meds.

Occasionally, the tracks do come together, however, but not always in the best way. The trains on the tracks collide, leaving us in a real mess, trying to figure out how to make things work together.

Such was the case in my life this past week. When, in the midst of several months of chronic migraines, I was given medicine for my chronic cough that made my head – as if it weren’t hurting enough – feel like exploding, every single day. It flared up my rosacea and then began interfering with my thyroid and RA meds too, leaving me as a red-faced, head-pounding, fatigued, joint-aching mess.

Finally, today, I said “ENOUGH!!”

It’s not as if I have all day to deal with this. Did I mention that I work and have an 11-year-old? And that tomorrow is Halloween?

I thought about it. What about all of those well-meaning people who have been offering me supplements and essential oils for my various ailments? What the heck, I thought. I’ll give it a try. I put out a cry to help on my Facebook page and by noon, I had numerous people offering advice. Whereas I had rejected their advice before, today I felt nothing but gratitude.

Take this. Try that. Drink this. Stop drinking that.

Feeling more open to new ideas than I ever had, I decided to adopt a few. Meeting with someone who had been in my shoes was wonderful. She described being on six medications for just one ailment, and how they had adversely affected her, which she finally replaced with an essential oil. Voila! It wasn’t prescribed but it wasn’t “witch doctor” science either. The bottom line is, it worked. I’m open. I’ll try it.

I tried yoga this week too. It’s something I’ve always hated, maybe because I wasn’t good at it, but I had bought a Yoga for Arthritis video awhile back and so I thought perhaps this time would be different. It was. I was open. I tried it. And it felt great!

I’m even trying things that feel really hard. Like giving up my Diet Coke. And cutting back my coffee. Ouch! These two beverages are something I really enjoy! But do I enjoy them enough to be miserable, if they are in fact the cause of my chronic cough and headaches. No, today, I don’t think so. So once again. I’m open. I’ll try it. And we’ll see what happens.

What I’ve realized today is how easy it is to get lost in the pharmaceutical jungle. There are some meds I must take. They are the foundation for keeping my more serious illnesses under control. But like so much in life, they are just a small part of the bigger picture.

I am more than a patient. I am a whole person!

As a whole person, I have to remember that my recovery has to be holistic as well. I have to apply what Aristotle said, that “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” If one part of my recovery is missing, then my healing won’t be complete.

I need more than just medicine. I need healthy food. Regular exercise. Social engagement. Spiritual connection. I need the whole package.

I write a lot on Spring Sight about how to have a spiritual connection with our Heavenly Father. Do you have that connection? Do you realize how important it is as part of your recovery? Perhaps you already do, but like me, there are other parts of your self-care that have been missing. Whatever it is, be gentle with yourself. You can only do so much. But remember, just a little bit of effort in each area of your life can make a big difference when you put it all together.

I’ll keep you posted on how my journey to wholeness is going. How are you doing on yours?

Managing Chronic Illness and What My Doctor Misses originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins. Click here for more posts. Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. 

Many of Spring Sight's posts can also be found each week on Crystal Storms' #IntentionalTuesday,  Kelly Balarie's #RaRaLinkUp,, Holly Barrett's Testimony Tuesday, Arabah Joy's Grace & Truth and Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday.

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Putting on My Big Girl Panties

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephesians 4:29

If Monday mornings aren’t difficult enough already, starting one out with a massive migraine headache made it even tougher for me to drag myself out of bed at the beginning of this week. In all truthfulness, I didn’t.

As I pressed my fingers into my temple and the back of my neck, hoping to apply enough pressure to stop the painful pulsating in my veins that made my head want to explode, my astute husband could tell I wasn’t faking “sick” and without a word, he got my daughter ready and over to her elementary school. It was at least another hour before my body recovered enough for me to open my eyes and be willing to face the world. “Thank goodness I’m married and self-employed!” I thought to myself, as I rolled over and looked at the clock. Nine-thirty.

Even with the late start, I would have been more than happy to have spent the day in bed. My head was still throbbing, albeit more subtly, and my body felt as if it were recovering from an automobile accident. I hurt. Everywhere.

When I finally did get up and over to my home office, I did my usual quick Facebook check and thought about what I would post as a status update. “Migraines suck,” I typed. I was sure I would get a lot of sympathy “likes” on that post, especially from fellow migraine sufferers. But then, I stopped. I thought for a minute. What if…? “What if I do something different today?” I asked myself. Not to take away from my “be real” philosophy, but I decided to step out of my pain and into the shoes of my friends. What did they need today? To hear my complaints, or to find something uplifting in what I had to share? What if I made a conscious choice to focus on the good and only to let positivity pass through my lips…for one whole day?

I thought about a couple of Bible verses related to this. “Only (say) what is helpful for building others up according to their needs…“ (Ephesians 4:29) and “Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about.” (Philippians 4:8).

“OK, God,” I prayed. “We’ll try it your way this time.”

Taking a cue from the verse in Philippians, to dwell on the good things in others, I deleted my yet unpublished “Migraines suck” status and replaced it with a challenge to my Facebook friends. “Who all is excited that it’s Monday? Anyone got big plans this week? If you’ve got good news or you’re just happy it’s the beginning of a new week, share it!”

The response was exactly what I needed. Instead of just “likes” on the post, my friends shared all kinds of exciting news. Soon, I was smiling too! Their good news took me out of my pain and into their joy. Huh! This little social experiment was starting to pay some dividends.

The day progressed, from one event to the next. Work in the morning. Lunch with my mother and friends. Errands in the afternoon. My daughter’s school play that evening. No matter how I felt (as my headache turned to nausea), I was determined to keep going and to put forth a smile when I encountered others.  I listened more intently. I encouraged more fervently. I empathized more joyfully. Did my pain and illness go away? No. But did my outlook improve? You bet it did. When I took the focus off me, then I was able to experience more of the beauty in others. And by the end of the day, I was able to count more of my own blessings as well!

Oftentimes, no matter what kind of pain we are going through, we are faced with having to “put our big girl (or boy) pants on” and do what we need to do, regardless. We don’t have the option of putting our life on hold or taking endless sick days. Life goes on. Our lives need to go on! It is on those days that it’s to our benefit to hold tight to those words of Scripture which encourage us to focus on the good – even if that means focusing entirely on others. After all, misery doesn’t really love company, does it? But rather, joy begets joy! And all the while, God’s grace abounds and we find ourselves blessed.

Where are you in your pain today? Are you able to take your mind off it for a little while, so that you can take in the joy that others can share with you? Take a moment to ask God to give you the strength to do what you need to do today, and to give you the opportunity to experience His grace and love through others you encounter along the way.

Putting on My Big Girl Panties originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins.  Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

Subscribe to Spring Sight by Email Your privacy is very important. Your email address will not be shared with any 3rd parties.