Paying It Forward: A Truer Picture of Thanksgiving

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” – John 13:34

‘Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la la la la la.

Oh wait! Wrong holiday. It looks like Christmas, with a proliferation of stores donning twinkling lights, gold tinsel, and displays of brightly decorated packages in red and green; and even the weather – with five feet of snow in some places – seems to think it’s December already.  But no, it’s a national holiday with the most humble of beginnings that used to signify something important, but somehow has become increasingly buried in a frenzy of football games and Black Friday retail sales. Yes, it’s that time of year again. It’s Thanksgiving.

It began almost 400 years ago with a boatload of Pilgrims struggling to settle into a newly discovered land, giving thanks to God for their very survival, made possible by Native Americans who shared their food crop. It has continued with traditions of family gatherings and feasts of turkey, corn and cranberries, reflecting the fruits of the land upon which we were founded.

From the richest of rich, to the poorest of poor, Thanksgiving was designed to bring to mind a most important concept: gratitude. The question is, “How do you express your gratitude?”

For many years, gratitude was something ingrained into our society. When we sat down to a meal, we gave thanks to God and to the host/hostess for the food. When we received a gift, we wrote out a handwritten thank you note. We acknowledged when someone did even the smallest act of kindness, such as opening a door. Perhaps it was those expressions of appreciation that made us want to do more for others. It wasn’t a burden. It was a privilege. In contrast to today’s world, in which we have to be reminded by books to keep “an attitude of gratitude,” we already had one. Courtesy and helpfulness weren’t the exception to the rule; they were the standard way of life.

A few years ago, a TV commercial aired and quickly became viral on the Internet. In it, one person did something kind for someone else, and then that person was inspired to do something for the next person he crossed. The concept of “paying it forward” was born.

While we may think of it as a new idea, “paying it forward” is not a new concept after all. It’s actually about 2,000 years old, originating with Jesus, as He commanded His disciples, “Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.”

In His commandment to “love others, just as I have loved you,” Jesus asked us to follow His example – basically, to “pay forward” His love. And He knew we were capable of it, because He considered something we often forget, which is that we were made in the image of God. Since God is love, we were made to love. And because God is love, that means He also loves to give. In the Garden of Eden, God saw that Adam did not feel complete without a mate, and so He gave him a woman. Up on a mountain, when Abraham looked for a sacrifice, God provided a ram. And when we as a people couldn’t ever measure up to God’s holy standards to find fellowship with Him, He provided a Savior.

 

Jesus said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Why? As children of God, it is in our DNA to give. Wholly. Unselfishly. Lovingly. We cannot receive over and over again without feeling out of balance. We must find a way to give, or we will never find the peace, joy and abundant life we were created for.

If you’ve been following this blog for the past few months, you’ll know it’s not been an easy time in my life. From my father’s passing to an RA diagnosis, to a bad tooth paired with chronic migraines, it’s been a period filled with pain, one in which I leaned heavily on my husband to help me through. My gratitude grew immense as time went on, but there was a burden that came with it. I didn’t know how to give back.

Then it happened. My husband became ill with back-to-back viruses that put him out of commission for almost a week. As he alternated between the bed and the couch, shivering with chills under a blanket, I served as nurse, taking his temperature, administering medicine, and fetching him soothing foods and beverages. “Rest,” I would say with assurance, “I’ll take care of you.” Even as I became sick with the first virus, I was in better shape than he was. Besides, it felt good to be the caretaker, after so much time of being cared for by him. In giving to him, rather than just receiving, I felt better than I had in a long time.

This Thanksgiving, I bowed my head in prayer to thank God for all the gifts He has given me the past year, including the wonderful husband I now share my life with. I also thanked Him for the wisdom He recently imparted to me: Whether it is “repaying kindness with kindness” to someone who has helped me or “paying it forward” to someone else, the best expression of my gratitude is to give.

How are you expressing your gratitude during this season of Thanksgiving? Do you know what it is to find joy in giving rather than receiving, as we head into the holiday season?

Paying It Forward: A Truer Picture of Thanksgiving originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins.  Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

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Licking the (Yummy) Filling of an Oreo Sandwich Cookie

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." - Philippians 4:8

Out of all that happened this past week, three things stand out: 1) I had to take my car into the repair shop for the nth time this month, due to the inadvisability of driving with the engine light on, 2) My husband and I watched a gorgeous sunset (from our kayaks) across a beautiful little private lake during our annual fall weekend getaway, and 3) I painfully endured a series of excruciating migraines, aching joints, and an agonizing tooth infection.  

Do you see the order in which I wrote that account? Bad, good, bad. Now try and remember what those three things were. It’s easy to focus on the bad, when it’s at both the beginning and end of the story, isn’t it? In fact, it’s tempting to just ignore the middle all together. When you look at it that way, it’s easy to sum up my week as pretty icky. Yes, there was that sunset, but hey, the majority of it was spent feeling physically wrecked and emotionally wrung out. 

Unfortunately, the above is often how I see my circumstances. It is so easy to get bogged down in all of life’s low moments, especially when they are numerous or extreme, that I can easily skim over the good parts of my days and weeks. Pretty soon, if I’m not careful to check my attitude, my life can look and feel pretty bleak. 

At the same time as I was experiencing all of this, I read the sad account of a beautiful 29-year-old with cancer who took her own life under Oregon’s “Die with Dignity” law. While I understood her pain as she suffered from massive headaches and seizures (I have had both), what I didn’t understand was her timing. Just two days beforehand, she had said she was postponing her planned overdose, because she was experiencing so much joy with her friends and family. Truthfully, I was shocked when I heard on the news that she was dead. “What happened???” I thought to myself. How could she be so happy to be alive one day, only to take her own life shortly thereafter? 

As I reflected on this question, the answer became clear. More importantly, the answer became pertinent to my own life. It’s very simple. Life is like an Oreo sandwich cookie: brown and crunchy on the outside, with some awesomely yummy vanilla frosting on the inside. Sadly, that young woman just ate hers the wrong way. 

 If you grew up in the United States and saw the Oreo commercials, you know that the “proper” (and best) way to eat an Oreo is to pull the two cookies apart, lick the delicious icing first, and then consume the crunchy pieces that are left. Even better, dip them in milk so that the cookies will soften a bit too. YUM!  

If you’ve ever tried eating an Oreo in the same way as you would a different kind of cookie, you’ll know it’s just not the same. When you bite through both cookies at once, it’s easy to miss the taste of the best part – the icing – all together. And yet, that’s how we often go through life, isn’t it? We look at our overall “Oreo” called life, and it looks very crunchy. We think about how hard and painful it can be, especially if we take the experiences of our past and project them onto our future; and the prospect of enjoying it just doesn’t seem very good, much less “delightful.” This is especially true for those of us struggling with chronic pain, which can suck the life out of our daily activities, either incapacitating us all together or just hampering our efforts to live normally by making even the simplest tasks so very, very difficult.  

What I realized over the weekend getaway with Ben, which began with a morning migraine and ended with an aching tooth, was that the key to enjoying – and valuing – life on life’s terms (which can be messy, even for those without serious problems) is to really, really, REALLY enjoy the beautiful moments sandwiched in between the painful parts. If I can just approach the “Oreo” of my life the right way, focused on the delicious experience of “licking the icing” from the middle, my whole perspective changes. It tastes so good that I can better deal with the “crunchy” bits and realize that even when life is hard, the good times are worth enduring the bad.

My father, who endured Stage IV cancer for two years, knew what it was to approach life that way. Although he was in extreme pain much of the time, he held onto and enjoyed every morsel of goodness he could find in his life, despite his circumstances. He held out for the icing! And in the end, I know he was grateful for each one of those delicious moments “in between.” 

I saw a Facebook post this week from a fellow RA blogger who clearly knows how to focus on the “filling” of her Oreo sandwich cookie life. She posted that she had taken some time to spend with friends that day and then had to come home to take her (pain) meds and was resting. Her thought on the day? “Worth it! J” 

How do you look at the “Oreo” of your life? Do you try and take it all in with one bite and feel “crunched”? Or do you take the time to enjoy licking the yummy icing in the middle?

Licking the (Yummy) Filling of an Oreo Sandwich Cookie originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins.  Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

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The Power of Rest

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28

There is nothing more exhausting than pain that just won’t go away. The past few weeks, I have had more than my fair share of it, mostly in the form of migraine-type headaches. I say “migraine-type” because I’m not 100% convinced that they have all been actual migraines, but rather seriously intense headaches caused by a combination of joint inflammation, muscle tension, menopausal hormone fluctuations, and a bad tooth that has yet to be properly fixed by my dentist (let’s not even begin to talk about what a “headache” it is to have a crown botched to the point of needing it completely redone from scratch).

So … getting back to my story about migraines … I decided at one point to do a search for “RA and migraines” thinking perhaps that there might be a connection between my rheumatoid arthritis and the headaches. Judging from the other RA blogs I’ve read, I think many of us with chronic illnesses are “information junkies” and spend an incomprehensible amount of time researching potential causes and cures for our pain. We are willing to try just about anything to try and make it go away, right?

In this particular case, my research paid off. Yes, RA can cause cervical spine (upper neck) inflammation, which can lead to migraine-type headaches. OK, good. So I wasn’t crazy. There was a connection. But what about a cure? What could be done about it? I was at the end of my rope, tired of losing so much time and energy each day, as I struggled to even think, much less do all I needed to at work and for my family.

Finally, I ran across a video from a clinic, which was effectively a testimonial from one of their patients who had contacted them when she was diagnosed with RA and was experiencing frequent migraines. “Aha!” I thought, eagerly anticipating the answers that would surely come from watching the little 5-minute film clip. And so it began…

I waited and listened as the patient explained her initial situation and how dramatically different her life was now, after just four months of treatment. “Yes? Ok…and what was it you or they did?” I wanted to know. And here it was:

“Well, the first thing I did was quit my job,” she said. “I really needed to get out of all that stress and rest!” Other than losing a relatively modest amount of weight during that time, that was it. The solution to her healthcare issues boiled down to one word: REST.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not in the position to just up and quit my job or take a four-month leave of absence. Sounds like a nice idea, but it’s probably not very realistic for most people. So, what are we to do then?

I find it interesting that in our culture, extreme “busyness” is considered to be quite admirable, even though it accounts for the frazzled state so many of us find ourselves in, to the point where there are best-selling books with titles such as “Little House on the Freeway,” “Making Room for Life,” and yes, even “I’m Not Superwoman,” for women trying to do too much. I have owned every single one of those books and I am grateful for their message, because in the past few years I've given myself permission to trade in a very vibrant and yet crazy-busy life for a quieter, simpler one. I have learned that in order for me to be healthy and happy, I must have rest. Yes, even if it means saying “no” to activities and people I really enjoy.

Not everyone has the same idea about what “rest” is. To extroverts, spending quiet time alone may not make them feel “rested” at all, but rather even more drained. To them, socializing is what their bodies and minds need. Introverts take the opposite approach and find solitude to be their answer. I fall somewhere in the middle. I love my “peeps” but I wouldn’t trade my solo time for anything in the world. It doesn’t just happen, though. For me to find rest, I must be intentional about it.

The Bible is clear: we all need rest. Sabbath, setting aside one day a week to stop working, was designed by God for our benefit. We can’t be expected to go, go, go all the time and still maintain any degree of physical or emotional health. Even ministers need to be careful to take heed to that commandment. I know of one church where the staff is kept so busy that it’s off-handedly been nicknamed “The Fellowship of Exhaustion!” The type-A’s love it… lots to do, all the time … but others have burned out and left because they just can’t handle the pace.

Besides physical rest, there is another type of rest that is just as important: spiritual rest. That is the kind of rest Jesus is talking about when He says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” There may be times in our lives when we just can’t control how much we have to do. I was a single mom for eight years and was frequently at the point of physical exhaustion. My illnesses, such as RA and migraines, can take me there too. But when I add worry and fear, or strife, into the mix, it is too much. I become weary from the stress of not only trying to do it all, but of trying to be it all. I become burdened by my troubles, from trying to figure out answers when perhaps there are none.

Just as my body is not equipped to operate without adequate rest, so my spirit is not equipped to handle all of life’s challenges alone. I need God. I need to enter His rest. And the only way for me to do that is to lay my burdens at His feet and to leave them there, to trust that He will take care of me and my circumstances, and to work all things for good. For me, my greatest time of rest is when I spend time with the Lord. Whether it is at my kitchen table in the mornings before work, with my Bible open to His Word; worshipping with others at church; or out in a forest where I can wonder at His creation, I find my rest in Him. It is there that I find healing for all the pain in my body and in my soul. It is there, I find the rest that makes me whole.

What does “rest” look like to you? Are you getting enough of it? Are you resting in Him or trying to handle life on your own?

The Power of Rest originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins.  Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

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Putting on My Big Girl Panties

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephesians 4:29

If Monday mornings aren’t difficult enough already, starting one out with a massive migraine headache made it even tougher for me to drag myself out of bed at the beginning of this week. In all truthfulness, I didn’t.

As I pressed my fingers into my temple and the back of my neck, hoping to apply enough pressure to stop the painful pulsating in my veins that made my head want to explode, my astute husband could tell I wasn’t faking “sick” and without a word, he got my daughter ready and over to her elementary school. It was at least another hour before my body recovered enough for me to open my eyes and be willing to face the world. “Thank goodness I’m married and self-employed!” I thought to myself, as I rolled over and looked at the clock. Nine-thirty.

Even with the late start, I would have been more than happy to have spent the day in bed. My head was still throbbing, albeit more subtly, and my body felt as if it were recovering from an automobile accident. I hurt. Everywhere.

When I finally did get up and over to my home office, I did my usual quick Facebook check and thought about what I would post as a status update. “Migraines suck,” I typed. I was sure I would get a lot of sympathy “likes” on that post, especially from fellow migraine sufferers. But then, I stopped. I thought for a minute. What if…? “What if I do something different today?” I asked myself. Not to take away from my “be real” philosophy, but I decided to step out of my pain and into the shoes of my friends. What did they need today? To hear my complaints, or to find something uplifting in what I had to share? What if I made a conscious choice to focus on the good and only to let positivity pass through my lips…for one whole day?

I thought about a couple of Bible verses related to this. “Only (say) what is helpful for building others up according to their needs…“ (Ephesians 4:29) and “Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about.” (Philippians 4:8).

“OK, God,” I prayed. “We’ll try it your way this time.”

Taking a cue from the verse in Philippians, to dwell on the good things in others, I deleted my yet unpublished “Migraines suck” status and replaced it with a challenge to my Facebook friends. “Who all is excited that it’s Monday? Anyone got big plans this week? If you’ve got good news or you’re just happy it’s the beginning of a new week, share it!”

The response was exactly what I needed. Instead of just “likes” on the post, my friends shared all kinds of exciting news. Soon, I was smiling too! Their good news took me out of my pain and into their joy. Huh! This little social experiment was starting to pay some dividends.

The day progressed, from one event to the next. Work in the morning. Lunch with my mother and friends. Errands in the afternoon. My daughter’s school play that evening. No matter how I felt (as my headache turned to nausea), I was determined to keep going and to put forth a smile when I encountered others.  I listened more intently. I encouraged more fervently. I empathized more joyfully. Did my pain and illness go away? No. But did my outlook improve? You bet it did. When I took the focus off me, then I was able to experience more of the beauty in others. And by the end of the day, I was able to count more of my own blessings as well!

Oftentimes, no matter what kind of pain we are going through, we are faced with having to “put our big girl (or boy) pants on” and do what we need to do, regardless. We don’t have the option of putting our life on hold or taking endless sick days. Life goes on. Our lives need to go on! It is on those days that it’s to our benefit to hold tight to those words of Scripture which encourage us to focus on the good – even if that means focusing entirely on others. After all, misery doesn’t really love company, does it? But rather, joy begets joy! And all the while, God’s grace abounds and we find ourselves blessed.

Where are you in your pain today? Are you able to take your mind off it for a little while, so that you can take in the joy that others can share with you? Take a moment to ask God to give you the strength to do what you need to do today, and to give you the opportunity to experience His grace and love through others you encounter along the way.

Putting on My Big Girl Panties originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins.  Get even more encouragement by following me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

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