Monday, August 8, 2016

Finding Perfection in the Imperfect

How can a mere mortal presume to stand up to God?  How can an ordinary person pretend to be guiltless? Why, even the moon has its flaws, even the stars aren’t perfect in God’s eyes – Job 25:4-5

Two years ago, when I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, I would never have imagined myself saying the words that came out of my mouth last weekend.

“I am already living my dream, every day!”

I was standing in front of a table at a Christian writers conference, where an author and consultant was doing a prize drawing. All I had to do in order to enter was to write down my “big dream” on the paper covering the table.

I explained that I would have to think on it. As we chatted, I mentioned that I had several chronic illnesses, including RA. The consultant immediately jumped on it.

“Well, I’m sure that’s probably your big dream – to be healed!”

Even to my own surprise, I found myself replying, “Actually, no. That isn’t.”

If you’re a spoonie (someone who suffers from a chronic illness) like me, you’re probably sitting there with a look of disbelief on your face, as you read what I just wrote.

“Not healed? Are you kidding me? Why wouldn’t you want to be healed??”

Now, calm down. I’m not saying I wouldn’t want to be healed. Of course, I would be happy to not have a chronic illness! I would be immensely, supremely happy to not have to deal with diseases that often leave me fatigued, in pain, and having to go get stuck with needles all the time!

I remember those days before RA: the days when I had the energy to go from sunrise to sundown without crashing somewhere in between; the days when I could eat what I wanted or exercise as hard as I could without worrying about the after-effects of a flare; the days when I could make plans in advance without being concerned about how I might feel, given the unpredictability of my disease; the days when I didn’t have to set medicine alarms, all the while realizing just how significant the cost of healthcare had become in my life.

Yes, I would be all too happy if things went back to the way they were before.

Except for this one teeny, tiny thing…

I am already happy.

It is so easy to fall into the “perfection trap” that says if only something were different, then we could be really and truly happy. That can come in a lot of different forms, from “If only I were 10 pounds thinner…” to “If only I could get a job like this, or a husband like that…” or even (for you fellow writers out there) “If only I could get more readers…” THEN, life would be perfect, right? Of course, then we get what we think we want, and life still isn’t perfect. We aren’t really much happier after all.

When I first heard the words “You have rheumatoid arthritis” I thought my life was over. I went through all of the stages of grief. I cried. I got angry. I had my pity party (and invited lots of people to join me). I thought I might never be happy again. My “new reality” was far from where I ever thought I would be at this stage of life, and slowing down (which my disease forced me to do) was not something I ever dreamed of. I found myself stuck in that place of “If only I didn’t have RA…”

Somewhere along the way, though, I found acceptance. Even beyond that, I have found joy. Not just superficial happiness, for it certainly couldn’t be found in my circumstances. No, this joy is different.

The joy I have now is similar to the feeling you get when you are on the beach, gazing at a sunset over the ocean, listening to the waves crash and seagulls calling out to one another; or walking in the woods, noticing the tiniest flora and fauna, a cool breeze sweeping across your face and the smell of pine straw wafting up from the forest floor. It is that feeling of peace, knowing that circumstances are only temporary, and that it will somehow be alright in the end.
Joy isn’t found striving for the perfect life. It comes from embracing the beauty of the imperfect one we already have.

Living with RA has made me more dependent upon God and other people. When my hands are weak, I need my husband’s strong hands to open that jar for me. When I am crying in pain, I need his arms to hold and comfort me. When I am scared, I need my friends in the RA community to assure me that they’ve been right where I am, and they are still hanging in there.

When I am lonely, even if no one else is around, I have discovered that God is right by my side. His words of love, found in the pages of my Bible, tell me that I have a constant companion, father and friend, who will never abandon me, even in the worst of circumstances. They tell me He has a plan for my life, one that is good, even with my chronic illness in the background. I need that. I need to know there is hope.
When I believe in that hope, when I choose to trust the One who holds my life in His hands, I find joy.
No one’s journey through chronic illness is the same. Our experiences all differ. Some days are good. Some days are bad. Many are in between. I recently had to explain that to someone who asked, “How can you have RA and kayak?”

Well, first of all, kayaking is much easier on the joints than many other activities. Secondly, while you may see pictures on Facebook of me in a kayak, you probably won’t ever see pictures of me parked on the couch, when my feet and knees hurt too badly to walk across the room, or when I am curled up in bed with yet another migraine.

Those painful days are as frequent as the days when I am enjoying time out in the woods or on the water. I just don’t focus on them. They will come and they will go, as will so many other circumstances in my life. What stays constant, and what I have to keep in mind on those hard days, is God’s love for me. It is there that I find my joy, and it is from that place I can share hope with others who are suffering.

It has been said that if we were given the opportunity to trade our struggles with those of someone else, we would most often choose to keep our own. Somehow, God knows we are strong enough to handle our particular set of circumstances. Yes, even including those chronic illnesses that keep us from doing all that we might like or feel like we “should” be doing.

Life is not perfect. And yet, no one else’s life is perfect either. And so, I will continue to seek to find all the joy I can in my imperfect life. After all, it is the only life I have … and therefore, it is perfect enough for me.

Do you struggle with disappointment when you find your life playing out differently than you thought it would, or when you compare yourself to others? Can you rest in God’s love, knowing that your life has purpose, and that you are perfectly and wonderfully made, even with those imperfections?

Finding Perfection in the Imperfect originally appeared on Spring Sight blog, by Linda W. Perkins. Click here for more posts. Get even more encouragement by following me on FacebookPinterest, and Twitter

Many of Spring Sight's posts can also be found each week on Crystal Storms' #IntentionalTuesday,  Kelly Balarie's #RaRaLinkUp, Holly Barrett's Testimony Tuesday, Arabah Joy's Grace & Truth, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart, and Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday. This week, I am also linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee and Dawn at Journeys in Grace, as well as with Lori Schumaker.


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22 comments:

  1. Linda, I love the badge. It looks better than I thought it might.

    With three of these autoimmune issues, I am also happy to have these crazy issues. The reason I am alright with the pain and frustration is that I believe we are closer. When I was DX'd with diabetes at 17 I saw my mom (also a type 1 and blind because of diabetes)keep a smile despite the many tears she had shed because of my Dx.

    Mom said she was sorry she did not get diabetes fixed in time to keep me from having it, but she passed it on for me to see if I could get it fixed.

    She gave me a big mission. Every warrior needs a great mission, fixing these things is mine. Someday we might get there. But the only way we will is when we have folks on this mission together. It takes us all with God's help to get us there.

    After all, my grandchildren have other important missions to do.

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    1. What a great mission, Rick! Having a vision like that not only keeps us going, but also makes a huge difference in the lives of others. Thanks for all you do in the RA & diabetes communities!

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  2. Such an encouraging post, Linda. Here's the excerpt that stood out the most: "Joy isn’t found striving for the perfect life. It comes from embracing the beauty of the imperfect one we already have." Amen. Visiting via #intentionalTuesday. Blessings to you!

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    1. Thank you, Kristi! Yes, if I had to sum up this entire article, it would be the excerpt you quoted. I have been so struck lately by the number of women who are working so very, very hard to have the "perfect" life. Alas, it's taken me many years of life and hardships to realize that life is too short to not enjoy it just the way it is! Have a blessed day.

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  3. Linda, I too suffer with chronic illnesses. Each one I have found a purpose in, a place to help someone else. That alone brings me joy. You are so right in everything you said. Thanks for the encouraging words.

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    1. Wow, I did not know that about you, Christy. You are a bright light shining the love of Christ. Clearly, you too have found that joy is not dependent upon circumstances either! Many blessings to you.

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  4. Linda- AMEN! I had a similar conversation with a friend recently about the struggles my husband and I face as He lives with some scary chronic stuff- the shock on her face! We are happy. It's also fun to explain the joy the Lord gives to doctors. They ask my husband the pain scale- He's honest, it's usually a higher number. They ask on a quality of life scale and either don't believe Him or say his pain can't be that bad then. It's such a foreign concept that the Lord would have us joyful, purposeful, secure, hopeful, and loving life even when pain and chronic stuff are regular partners. But that's our Lord!! So grateful to testify to His goodness and grateful for your encouraging words today!

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    1. Yes, isn't God good! I am fortunate that my pain is not at consistently high levels. There is no doubt that I have been extremely high on the pain scale with migraines, and in those moments, it can feel very dark. But somehow, I manage to pull through to a point where I can feel God's love and purpose in it all. I am so blessed! Thanks, Bethany, for sharing your story and letting me know this hit home with you! Have a wonderful day in the Lord.

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  5. Love your thoughts here Linda! As someone who deals with nerve pain and bouts of osteoarthritis. I feel where you are coming from. I may never be fully healed but I am always reminded to keep my eyes on Jesus. God's power is revealed in my weakness. Thank you for sharing your heart. Have a wonderful week and may God bless you and yours!

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    1. "God's power is revealed in my weakness." Indeed, Horace! Many blessings to you as well.

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  6. Linda, I love this! You wrote it so beautifully. My story would be about an ongoing emotional struggle. A deep hurt that changed my life. But like you, God used it to bring me where I am today and that is happy and confident that with Him I have everything I need. Thank you for this encouragement this morning! Abundant blessings!

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    1. You are absolutely right that emotional struggles are very similar to physical pain, when trying to live with them. And it is usually only in hindsight that we realize the blessings. So glad to know you! Have a great day.

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  7. Great post, Linda! I agree with you... "Somehow, God knows we are strong enough to handle our particular set of circumstances." Your story encourages me and lifts me to happiness. Thank you! It's a joy to read your words, and to follow you at Jennifer's. Blessings!

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    1. I'm so happy to have been an encouragement to you, Julie. Yes, we all have our own "stuff" to deal with. Or as my mother says, "Everybody has something!" I hope you have a very blessed day. Thanks for coming by!

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  8. Dear Linda, there's no way I can relate to your pain and what you must experience daily. But I'm so moved by your perspective. Your faith inspires me!
    Marva | sunSPARKLEshine

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    1. Thank you so much for the encouragement, Marva!

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  9. Dear Linda,
    I also have chronic pain, but through it all God has drawn me closer to him. We who have this pain are very fortunate indeed to find that close relationship with our Father. I do count it joy for this reason. I am curious about the word spoonie, what does it mean or stand for?
    Thanks for such a great post.

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    1. Hi Moonbeam7 - I had never heard the term "spoonie" before I was diagnosed with RA and became involved in the chronic illness community. It is related to the Spoon Theory, which is explained here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory . If you are encouraged by this post, I would invite you to become a subscriber! I am not a daily poster (except for during #RABlog Week) so you will never feel spammed. :-) I hope you have a blessed day and continue to grow closer to the Lord through the every day ups and downs we face in our chronic illnesses. ((gentle hugs))

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  10. Linda,
    I so appreciate your attitude and the grace you share these lessons with us. It is hard to define the hurting at times, the pain that exists, but I have always tried to just get up and move on because I feel so much better when I do. And Like you, I don't want to write about the hard days in a bad light but give glory to Him through it all. :)
    Thanks for sharing your words at #GraceMoments last week.
    Blessings!
    Dawn

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    1. Yes, we do have to keep moving forward! Thankfully, we have God by our side to give us the strength. Have a blessed day, Dawn!

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  11. Linda,
    I think I say this each week, but this is my new favorite post!! Hope just oozes from your words and your testimony. It also oozes from you in real person. I am so thankful I got to spend some time with you at Declare. Your spirit is bright and filled with encouragement. The situation with social media is tough. I've gotten responses like that often myself. I'm not going to post pictures of my daughter in the most trying of times nor of me when I am ill and spending the day in bed. I'm going to find the moments of joy and mark those because those are the moments we use as a weapon against the darkness with which the enemy would love to engulf us.
    Thanks, sweet friend, for sharing my mission to shine hope into the world! I'm so glad you are a part of the #MomentsofHope community!
    Hugs,
    Lori

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    1. You are so sweet, Lori. Yes, mark those moments of joy! And you do shine so brightly. :-)

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